Page 81 of The Masks We Break

He pauses, shifting on his feet, and glancing down at the flowers below him, and I shake from the silent sobs racking through my body.

After a few moments, he smiles. It’s soft and broken, but it lights up his eyes, bringing tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Hold fast, hold steady. A phrase my mother would tell me anytime the going got tough. It seemed to be my daily mantra for a while, but there toward the end, when the oceans were raging and threatening to take me under, it didn’t seem like the phrase was enough. But here’s the thing, I lost my mother a long time ago, and today, I found peace. The waves have finally subsided, showing me there is beauty after the storm. That even when you’re scared to death you’re not going to make it, as long as you don’t give in to the waves, you’ll get to the other side.”

He leans forward, fixing a stray rose on the podium, taking a breath that seems to echo through the pews. “It’s about not giving up, even when all the light in the world seems to be lost in the night. Because even if you can’t see the stars, there’s always the moon.”

My heart breaks. It started as a small crack, but at the end of his speech, it’s nothing but dust in my chest.

Spencer thanks everyone again, and steps down, trailing a hand along the silver rail of his mother’s casket. He stops at the edge and pats it twice. “Thank you, Mom.”

The service ends with a wave of fresh tears being poured through the church. And it isn’t until everyone is in their cars and heading to lunch that I catch Spencer alone, staring at the looming clouds. He sees me in his periphery and turns and grins.

“Remy.” His voice is lighter than before, almost as if a weight is gone.

He steps forward, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a hug. We stand there for a while, and it’s as if my muscles melt in his hold.

“I missed you.” A few warm tears trickle down my cheek, but I don’t move to wipe them.

Spencer steps back, running a hand through his thick hair, and pushing up his glasses. “I missed you more. I’m sorry I—”

Shaking my head, I grab his forearm. “You don’t have to apologize. I should have been around more…”

“No, don’t say that, Remy. I was with Mom day in and day out the last few months. The only time I ever saw Lily was when she would force me to eat. It was just hard, you know.”

Even though I don’t, I nod, wishing I could say something to ease even a fraction of his pain. “Where is Lily?”

He huffs a small laugh. “She went with William to drop off my car. They’ll be back. I just needed a break.”

We stand in silence for a minute, listening to the trees whistle with the growing winds.

“So, you and Blaze, huh? Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long.” He bumps my shoulder with his and a burn hits the back of my throat.

Hearing his name without wanting to succumb to the old Remy and curl in on myself is hard. But I dig one foot in the ground, and take a breath.

I shake my head, kicking up some of the small pebbles along the path. “Not so much anymore.”

Spencer pauses, looking at my face for a moment, then tucks his hands in his pockets. “People like Liliana and Blaze are different, Remy. They actively avoid the thing that they crave the most, and I think it stems from fear.”

His words ring a bell I don’t want to hear. I don’t know if I want to hold on to hope anymore, I mean, it hasn’t done me any good all this time. But then he bangs a gong over my head.

“They know that if they give in,trulygive in, it makes them vulnerable—a possible victim. And they will fight tooth and nail before being that again. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t know him well, just what Lily’s told me, and I don’t know what’s going on with you both, but... maybe just give him a little grace.”

I try to swallow but it gets caught in my throat. To think I pressured him—too caught up in my needs to see his—makes my stomach roll. But also, I’ve come to learn that what I need matters too, and I can’t feel guilty for that.

The roar of a truck sounds through the thunder, and Spencer turns, putting a hand on my bicep. “Above all else, I want you to guard your heart, and do what you feel is right.”

William’s overpowered black truck pulls into the parking lot, and Spencer draws me in for another hug. “Just know that once there’s a crack in the masks we wear, it’s only a matter of time until they break.”

I back away, wiping away the stray tear falling down my cheek. “Call me sometime, okay?”

He huffs a laugh. “Oh, I’ll be over there sometime next week. I have a lot of school stuff to catch up on, and I could use a good briefing.”

“As long as Lily agrees to cook.”

He grunts and smiles as he nods. “I’ll see to it. Later, Remy.” He waves, and opens the passenger door to climb in. “Hold fast, hold steady.”

Returning his wave, I grin. “Will do.”

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