Page 36 of The Masks We Break

It isn’t a question but a confirmation. One he doesn’t dispute. I lean against the wood headboard, wrapping my arms around my stomach. His shirt burns my skin, and all I want to do is tear it off.

Silly, Remy. You thought anything changed? That any of this means he cares?

The thought sears into my chest, burning the memories with Blaze doing so many thoughtful things. The things that made him so much more than a pretty face on an emotionless statue.

He’d told me before that feelings weren’t something he was capable of, but never,never,has he made me feel like he was just curious. That all he wanted to see was…

I push the covers off my legs, moving before I can think, and march to the living room. Blood surges through me, easing the pain vibrating through my body, begging me to sit.

As always, he catches me by the wrist, a dark expression making his face stern and dominating. It sparks a response low in my core, but I force it away, furrowing my brow to mirror him.

“You will not walk out the door dressed like that.” Just like every other command he’s ever given me, no part of his words leave room for negotiations.

Only, I know two of Blaze’s secrets—he won’t hurt me, and he expects me to obey. Using that, and the adrenaline still running my blood pressure through the roof, I jerk my hand away and bolt, skirting around the couch and out the door before he can register what’s happening. I’m halfway across the lawn before I hear him. He’s not yelling, but it dang sure sounds like it.

“Fuck!”

But I don’t stop, nor do I look back at the devil when he’s been pushed over the edge. Instead, I barrel forward, just barely stopping my body enough to thrust open the door and close it behind me.

That’s when the pain hits, drying up the power I felt just moments ago and brings me to my knees. It starts between my thighs, the throbbing of my fresh piercing screaming at me to rest while my head pulsates from the liquor of last night.

Somehow, I make it to the bathroom before nausea burns my esophagus on the way up. And as I sit, hugging the seat with every shuddering hurl, I know it’s time. I need to figure my life out, and letting Blaze go is just the tip of my Titanic-sinking quality iceberg.

Happy birthday to me.

* * *

“This is beautiful.”I gaze at the picnic blanket, taking in theactualbasket, display of fruits, nuts, and ice drinks.

I’ve been putting Ricky off for a while, and ever since the catastrophe that was my birthday last week, I feel it’s time to give him a chance. There’s been no sight of Blaze. And while I thought the time away would clear the haze he seems to cause, it hasn’t. Nothing has been able to distract me from it—not even my favorite rom-com book, which says a lot. Still, I’ve been able to make a list of things that need to happen before my junior year is complete to start really being in control of my happiness.

“It’s not too lame, right?” Ricky threads a hand through his golden waves, a smirk curling the corner of his lips.

“It’s perfect.” I return his smile, following his lead and sitting down.

A few miles outside of Solace Square is a massive park with a large pond in the center. On one side is the playground, space for yoga classes, and outdoor painting. While the other is an open field with sparse trees overlooking the beautiful water. Ricky picked the best spot, setting up a picnic in the open where the sun warms the cool fifty degrees to a warm sixty.

“Tell me more about yourself, Miss Solace.”

I groan, taking a grape off my plate. “Please don’t call me that.”

Ricky’s eyebrows furrow, a genuine confusion creases his eyes. “It bothers you?”

Nodding, I grab two more. “Absolutely. First, I’m younger than nearly everyone that says it to me, and it’s hard to make friends when people hear others say it.”

Which is the sole reason my friends only consist of my roommate and Lily.

Ever since getting to high school, I’ve dreamt of when I’d be in college. It was a magical place where everyone found their niche of friends and felt as though they belonged. And while that is entirely true for the vast majority of people, it isn’t if your name’s on the building. It became obvious, really quickly, that people either wanted to avoid me entirely or use me to their advantage.

So, just like in high school, I dip my head low, stay away from most people, and focus on what really matters—my grades. Maybe in med school, I can try again.

“I had no idea. I’m sorry about that.” Ricky takes a bite of his sandwich, swallowing harshly as he nods. “I mean, I get it, though.”

“Oh, yeah?” It’s rare anyone here would understand, so I’m interested to know if he struggles with it from where he’s from.

“Yeah. I mean, as a guy, we could totally milk it for all it’s worth. But for a woman, I can see it sending nothing but trouble your way. People trying to use you.”

“Exactly.” I huff out a humorless laugh and relax. It’s nice to have someone acknowledge it without me trying to explain it.

---