Page 72 of The Masks We Wear

This girl has been a frustrating conundrum since the day I learned of her existence, and it’s clear that won’t be changing. I clench my jaw a few times, swallowing the dozens of retorts that nearly slip before finally answering, giving her the simplest answer I can muster. “Because Idocare, Remy.”

She scoffs, rolling her eyes before snatching her book off the counter and away from me. Almost as if I could taint her precious romance with my words. She rings up our smoothies and shifts to make them, keeping her back to me. “Yes, and I believe you like I believe in Santa Claus.”

Like you believe in those romance novels.I bite my cheek again and focus on keeping my tone neutral; after all, she’s seen me do some not-so-nice things to her friend. “No need to be sarcastic when I’m being honest.”

“Lily, you’ve done nothing but make his life miserable. Why should I believe even for a second that you give a crap about him?”

“Look, Remy, I don’t know what Spencer’s told you, but...” I pause, searching for the right words.

She twists, dropping two smoothies in front of me, and tilts her head, narrowing her eyes as if there’s nothing I could tell her she hasn’t already heard. Maybe she does know the whole thing and sees no fault on Spencer’s part, but that doesn’t make my hurt any less valid.

“We all handle our pain differently. Out of all the books in the world, none of them agree unanimously on how we have to deal with our traumas. I think you need to make amends for any hurt you may have caused someone and let it go.”

I replay Dr. Floren’s words. I overreacted with my treatment of Spence; that much was evident even when I was lashing out. And now, it’s time to right my wrongs the best I can and close the chapter properly. For the both of us.

The thought of letting him gocompletely, feels like swallowing a rock straight out of a volcano. It sears my insides, leaving scars I’m unsure will ever mend. But at this point in my healing process, it needs to be done.

Remy taps the counter, and I realize she’s waiting. “Just need to clear a few things with you.”

She ignores my comment and instead asks a question that surprises me. “How were you ever best friends in the first place?”

My brows knit together, and I think about her question for a second. It’s not her place to ask and my business to keep, but a small part of me wants to tell her. To make her realize just how amazing Spencer is, so she doesn’t mess up his friendship the way I did.

I latch on to my necklace and begin pulling it back and forth. “For me, he was the light in the dark. He made me feel important, funny… loved. Out of all the superficial friendships I’ve had, he was the only one that felt real. He would stay up with me till three o’clock in the morning in our treehouse, reading stories to me after I had a bad day. Even when he had to be up at six to go fishing with his dad.”

A swell of emotions bloom in my chest at the many memories we shared throughout seven summers. Amora, with all her funny quirks and fearless attitude, to Blaze, my broken knight in shining armor. No one has ever made me feel the way Spencer did.

I try to swallow down the knot that’s now tripled in size, making it difficult to breathe, and find Remy’s natural hazel eyes on mine. She pushes up her hexagon glasses and nods, pursing her bee-stung lips. “He’ll be back for the fair.”

He’s coming back?

The temptation to drill into this small girl and gather as many details as possible is overwhelming. Almost as perfuse as the excitement lighting my nerves on fire. Instead, I take a quick breath and grab our drinks. “Thank you.”

“The love he has for you is going to ruin him. So please, just…” She sighs and looks behind me out the window. “Decide what you want and stick with it.”

Has. Present tense.

I tell myself not to read into that, not to let the small flicker of hope turn into a full-blown inferno.

But I’ve never been too good at putting out fires.

TWENTY NINE

“William, Just text her. And for the love of all things virgin, don’t let me have to beat your ass. And also, don’t take all day. Remy has lots of other shit to do besides tutor your dumbass.”

“Hmm. You’ve mentioned my buns of steel twice. Got them on your mind, Hanes?”

“Fuck off, Will.” I grit my teeth, wondering why the hell I just sealed my dear friend’s fate with the likes of William. He needs to retake his SATs if he wants any chance of coming to school anywhere in Washington, and if anyone can help him, I know it’s her. She’s got the patience of a shepherd herding sheep and the ability to help just aboutanyone.

My mother’s peppered hair catches the light and reflects in my peripheral. “Hey, man. I got to go, but I’ll call you soon.”

“Yeah, but, hey. Good luck tomorrow. I know you busted your balls over that project. It’s going to be great.”

I mutter a quick thanks before ending the call and bounding over the couch to my mother. She giggles, her thin shoulders shaking as she places a frail hand on my chest.

The trip was the best thing I could have imagined. My dad had me waking up at five in the morning to get schoolwork done, but the rest of the day was something out of a movie. We went sightseeing, kayaking, bungee jumping, and sailing. We ate foods from Greece to China, exploring every nook and cranny the world has to offer and marking off literally every item on my mom’s bucket list.

Out of the twelve-week trip, she only had an episode twice.Twice.The least amount she’s had in years. But Dad had to remind me on more than one occasion that it didn’t mean anything. He said there could be a plethora of reasons she was managing so long but warned that she’d continue to deteriorate as soon as we came back.

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