Page 45 of The Masks We Wear

She pushes her cart onto the elevator, turning to look down her nose at me. “You arenothing. Don’t forget that.”

“Lily? What the fuck!” Amora’s screeches echo down the hallways, squeezing my heart in half.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

She reaches the elevator as it closes, slamming her fist into the reflective doors. Amora whirls around to me, still crumpled on the floor. She crouches down, grabbing my face with surprising gentleness. “Your mom?”

Her baby blues search mine, her eyebrows furrowed and curled upward. It’s as if she’s putting the pieces of a puzzle together, filling in gaps. Tears linger on the brim of her lid. And in this moment, I no longer care that my entire world can crumble if she knows. I need her to know because I can’t hold back anymore.

And I don’t.

I nod my head, letting the tears sear down my face, and sobs rip through my body. Everything is shaking so violently, I think Amora will call for help, but instead, her arms wrap around me. She pulls me into her chest, rocking me back and forth, smoothing her hand down my arms.

“Shhh. Lily. I’m here now. You don’t have to carry this anymore.”

NINTEEN

“You did what?” William leans back in my desk chair, throwing a blue stress ball in the air. His long black sleeves are rolled halfway up his forearm, just under where his tattoos start. Only one emerald butterfly is visible, vibrant against his deep golden brown skin, and each time he extends his arm, it looks like the wings are flapping. I’ve been watching it, trying to distract myself from the ones in my stomach as I tell him about my royal fuck up with Lily earlier this week.

Turns out the red light can make you do stupid ass things, and now it’s all I’ve thought about—replaying it in my head on a constant loop. If it’s not my dick throbbing in my pants, it’s the twitch behind my eyes, reminding me of my mistake.

And now that William’s here, I have a feeling things are going to get more chaotic. He has a way of acting on impulse. Like now, being hours away from home, and I can bet my bank account, his mom doesn’t know. After my breakdown outside Remy’s house, he practically forced me to let him come for the weekend, help me move on from the stress like he did three years ago. At the time, when I was wrapped in too many emotions, I said yes.

Because at the time, things weren’t that bad. But then I kissed her.

I kissed Lily.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I brush my thumb across my lips and can still feel the warmth of her mouth. Her taste was sweet, but not like the fake sugar that spews from her daily. It was like honey—real... raw, unfiltered.

Everything about it was primal. Aching need fueled every movement I made. Well, that and her desperate whimpers. I almost lost control completely, caught up in everything I ever wanted at the tips of my fingers. But she opened her eyes, and when I saw the fake hazel instead of her chocolate brown, I remembered.

She’s not the one I want...wanted.

“You’ve lost it, Hanes. You need a good fuck. That helped the first time.” He tosses the ball at me, and I let it bounce off my arm.

I grimace, ignoring the horrendous flashbacks trying to flit through my mind. Fucking Lily out of my system didn’t work, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell William that. After sophomore year, he forced me to every party, wing-manning the shit out of each one. He was a good friend, doing what we thought would help. But when I found myself on top of someone later, she always had brown hair and chestnut eyes.

A means to an end. But the end never came. I was never satisfied or happy after, just numb. I was confused back then. I still cared about her. I stillwantedher.

Now?

Now, the ache running through my body is nothing more than anger. Anger that I wasted so much time caught up in a girl wearing a mask. I had it backward—thinking Liliana was still underneath it when really that was the persona all along. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get with myself.

When people show you who they truly are, believe them.

“So what are you going to do?” William’s large frame hops from my chair, leaving it spinning behind him. He’s only an inch or two taller than me and is bulky where I’m lean.

“Any parties happening this weekend?” He sinks into my bed, propping a hand behind his head, and pulls a thick curl out straight to examine it. “Let’s grab a couple of girls, or maybe a few, and have a good time.”

I scoff, falling into the empty chair. “Yeah, at Lily’s. And there no fucking way I’m going there.”

“Yes, the fuck we are.” Will releases his dark coil and leans on his side. “It’s perfect, actually. After all the shit she’s done, bring out the Spencer I know. Show up, get a few girls, and let her see that bullying a guy doesn’t matter. He can still get pussy.”

“Dude, I need a break from seeing her.”

“We’re going.”

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