Page 40 of The Masks We Wear

Charging forward through my blurry vision, I don’t stop or look back and let the tears coat my cheeks. They aren’t tears of sadness or hurt. They are from the deepest, darkest part of my twisted soul. The last part that gave a fuck, which is now burning in the fire of my fury.

I hate him, and I want him to feel it. I want him to look down at the shards of his life after I’ve demolished it, leaving it at his feet, and feel it all.

Then he will know what it is to have nothing or no one in your corner. He will know the same reality that I’ve known since I was twelve years old. And I think I’ll start with the thing he does care about.

Remy.

SEVENTEEN

My phone buzzes for the fifteenth time, and I don’t even bother looking anymore. My last test is coming up, and with the nonstop shit at school, focusing has been nearly impossible.

It’s been a whole fucking week, and people still haven’t let up. The constant gifts left for me have become so abundant, the local shelter knows me by name. I’ve dropped off donations every day. Dog bowls, food, leashes, toys, you name it. At first, it was easy to ignore, but it went from annoying to straight fucking harassment. The amount of little scabs running across my palm from clenching my fist is pitiful.

Hold fast, hold steady.

I played my mother’s words on a loop to keep from bashing in every head that barked at me. She’s forgotten about the fight already, but I haven’t forgotten the face she made when I got home. It was the same one she gave me back in Idaho when all she saw in me was a bloody disappointment.

There isn’t much time left before I’m just another stranger, and I’ll be damned if that’s the last look she ever gives me while remembering who I am.

I won’t lie, though. Holding fast and steady this afternoon has proved fucking difficult. It’s Friday afternoon, just a couple of hours since school’s let out, and my phone won’t stop ringing. I answered the first one, but after being barked at, I haven’t bothered picking it up again. Somehow my number got out, that much is obvious, but then the emails started coming in. How the fuck they got that is beyond me.

Now, I’m waiting for Remy to finish up her book club meeting, so we can FaceTime study for this chemical compound test. Glancing at the clock, I consider texting her. Tell her I’ll just come over tomorrow after work so that I can turn off my phone.

Right as my finger hovers over our text thread, a bright smile and hexagon glasses flash across the screen.

“Spencer!” Her voice is breathy like she’s been running. “I’ve been calling you. Where are you?”

Guilt takes the place of annoyance, and I sigh, rubbing the nape of my neck. I must have missed it while ignoring others. “You and thirty other people. I’m sorry, I don’t know what th—”

“I know! That’s why I’ve been calling. Can you come over?”

My brows pull together. “Yeah, of course. Now?”

“Yes, hurry up, Spence.”

I pause, feeling my face contort at the use of the nickname before responding. “Okay.”

After hanging up, I turn my phone off, unable to take any more of the calls, and throw on a hoodie. Whatever the fuck is going on, there’s no doubt in my mind who’s the cause. The moment she swung herself out of the room, I knew.

Lily’s pissed.

But I’m not sure why. She mentioned multiple times about keeping my mouth shut, which I’ve done. No one knows her mom’s a custodian, and I damn sure haven’t told them Lily’s family abandoned her. So I don’t know what her problem is. She seems to be pissed I don’t react, but that’s like bully survival 101. Don’t engage, and they’ll leave you alone. But it seems to have the opposite effect on her.

My eyes flash to the house behind mine. It’s hidden under a fresh blanket of snow, the smoking chimney showing the only signs of life inside. The life that for some reason, is hell-bent on making mine miserable. An unwelcome ache radiates across my chest, but I force my gaze away, snatching my keys from the kitchen counter and leave.

The influx of snow we’ve had causes it to take a little longer than normal to get to Remy’s, which lets my mind wander more. Frustration burrows in my head as I try to wrap my thoughts around what the fuck happened with Lily and me.

There’s something I’m not seeing. Something I’vemissed, maybe.

By the time I arrive, the sun is setting, and a chill cuts through the air, threatening to bring a blizzard with it.

Remy must hear me pull up and opens the front door before I get out of my car. She’s bundled up in fleece long johns, and a chunky knit blanket wrapped around her. Her short nose is already blooming a pink that’s spreading to the tops of her cheeks. Those big hazel eyes are wide beneath her oversized glasses as she watches me trek up the driveway.

I make a note to clear it before I leave in case she needs to go somewhere.

“What’s up?”

She closes the door behind me but doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, her eyes focus on the floor, and she chews on the corner of her lip. After a few seconds, she tilts her head toward a stack of crumpled paper on the entryway table.

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