Page 19 of The Masks We Wear

I fall back onto the rug, my eyes finding Spencer’s window as I catch my breath. He’s still standing in the same spot, his hooded eyes burning into me with a fury that lights my body up all over again.

My lips curl into a smirk, and as if on cue, he turns, disappearing into his room. Moments later, darkness swallows it, leaving me alone as rain breaks open the sky.

I won. But what, I’m quite not sure.

And for a moment, I wonder what I may have just started.

NINE

“Fuck her!” My voice echoes in the empty alley, bouncing off the brick and punching me in the gut. I bare my teeth and hurl the trash bag inside the bin, kicking the metal dumpster as the lid falls. “Fuck. Her!”

It’s been incredibly slow at the smoothie shop, leaving me too much time to think about last night. To think about Lily’s arched back, open mouth, completely lost in pleasure. Her body moved to a tempo only she could hear, but fuck me if I didn’t try to find it. She had me on a leash, forcing me to watch all the things I wanted to do to her myself.

I couldn’t stop staring. As much as I wanted to claw my fucking eyeballs out, I couldn’t stop. It felt like I was a passenger in my own body, banging against the door, trying to get out, but no matter how hard I fought, I couldn’t look away.

In retrospect, I bet that was her exact intention—make me pay for leaving our staring contest at the game. But really, what did she expect after what she’d done?

Handcuffing me to a bed, making me out to be some perverted sicko.

Even now, her end game is unclear. This new Lily is uncharted territory, and I’m at a loss of how to navigate around her. The only apparent thing is that she wants my attention and sealed lips.

She wantscontrol.

Something neither of us had as kids. Something I damn surestilldon’t have.

Whatever her fucked-up reason, I’m done being a pawn in this dumb ass game of hers. My hand twitches at my side, eager to text William and tell him to pay me a visit. It would be so easy to revert back to the Spencer that got everything he wanted with just a smile. Then I could show Lily how the game isreallyplayed.

Hold fast, hold steady.

My mother’s soft voice appears from nowhere, settling into my raging blood, cooling it instantly. It’s a gentle reminder that getting caught up in this game will just cost more of my time. And that’s something I don’t have.

Lily will soon get bored, just like most juvenile bullies, and things will go back to normal. I only need to wait it out.

I trudge back inside to Remy. Only about an hour left, and I can go home, crawl in bed, and pretend like that shit didn’t happen. Well, I can try, at least, while staying as far away from my window as possible. Maybe see if my mom is down to watch a movie.

Remy leans against the opposite side of the counter, tracing a line in her book as she reads. I’ve thought about telling her what happened, but she’d more than likely give me an earful I don’t need. Tell me it’s my fault for even letting her fool me—that I should have known better, which Ishouldhave.

Irritation swirls in my sternum, and I scrub my hands over my face, huffing through my nose. I take off my glasses for the third time to clean them. The cooling effect of my mother’s mantra wears off as images of Lily flit through my head.

Every muscle I have tightens, knotting up as I replay Lily’s orgasm. She was biting into her bottom lip as if it felt good, but her eyebrows were pinched as if she was in pain. Like something was ripping her in two. I held my breath with her, watching her unravel at the seams. She was so fucking beautiful in that moment. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was starving, and I enjoyed eating up everything she gave me. Even craved more after the fact.

I loathe how she can make me want her.

Fuck.Her.

Squeezing my eyes closed, I pinch the bridge of my nose, repeating my new motto. When I peer down my nose at Remy, I realize she’s still tracing the same line. Like she’s reading it, but her mind is somewhere else entirely, forcing her to reread it. “You good over there?”

I’m hopeful she can occupy my thoughts for the rest of our shift. Hell, I’ll even listen to her drone on about her romance story if I have to—anything to feel something other than the conflict curling in my blood.

“Let’s go to the Halloween party this weekend.”

“What?” My face contorts. “Since when do you want to go out?”

I’ve only known Remy the past few months, but sharing the majority of our classes, as well as working with each other, has given me a pretty good look at her habits. She’s an introvert through and through. A good girl, wrapped in a book, cuddled on the couch night after night. She prefers the fictional characters to her classmates and daydreams about them more than she’ll admit.

Her face blooms pink, and she twists a loose hair back into her low ponytail. “I just want to enjoy senior year a little bit. Is that such a crime, Spencer?”

I scoff, misplaced frustration seeping from my pores before I can stop it. “It is when you’re doing it for someone else and not yourself. Be real, Remy. Who’s the guy? Are they worth losing yourself over?” Because no one is worth losing who you are.

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