Page 222 of Flirting with Darkness

I shook my head, trying to swallow down the thickness in my throat. I must’ve made him feel awful. I hadn’t scarred him like that mob had when they’d attacked, and my fear had been warranted, but I’d blamed him rather than searching for the truth or asking for an explanation. My words had hurt him all the same.

That had to be why he didn’t reply.

So I went on. “I thought you were monstrous. I thought you’d lied to me about more than what you were. I thought you were somehow working against me, plotting… that all of this had been some sort of trick or lie.” My voice came out thick and raw. “It was only for a while—I was coming to find you to hear what you had to say when Granny called for help. But I feel foolish for believing it for so long. I should’ve known it wasn’t you—that something had happened. I could’ve tried to help you, not hidden counting down the hours before I could escape.”

Somehow, I found the courage to glance at him. He strode through the woods, eyes on the path ahead, expression hard and tight. His silence cut me.

“And I’m sorry”—my voice cracked—“so, so sorry for ever making you feel monstrous, less than. After all I said I wanted for you. But…” I didn’t want to say the next part. Not when he’d given no sign he was interested. It felt more dangerous to admit than anything else I’d said so far.

With a shaky breath out, I straightened my back. “I’d like to spend the rest of our year and a day making that up to you.”

His eyebrows shot up and his gaze flicked to me as he stopped mid-stride. “You… would?”

I couldn’t form any words now he was watching me so intently, so I just dipped my head.

“You don’t need to do that.”

Meaning, he didn’t want me to. My shoulders sank and it was like someone had pierced part of me inside and now I was deflating. I’d finally found something I wanted and I didn’t get to have it. Maybe, deep down, that was why I’d spent so long avoiding want.

He canted his head. “You’ve finally gone quiet. Does that mean you’ve finished?”

“Mm-hmm.”

He nodded slowly, thoughtfully, scratched his beard, frowned at the dirt at his feet. “It must’ve been a shock seeing me like that, and I can’t imagine how terrified you must’ve been when I attacked.”

“That wasn’t your fault. You weren’t—”

“No, I wasn’t in control. But I’m still sorry for it, and if I’d told you…” The wolves on his chest expanded as he took a long breath. “I know it seemed I lied—and I… I did, because of what I didn’t say.”

“The geas—”

“Fuck the geas. I could’ve told you before we came here, but… I saw how you looked at the pack and I didn’t want you to look at me like that. So I was a coward, and I said nothing.”

I couldn’t help my soft gasp. He was as far from a coward as it was possible to get.

“For that, I’m sorry. Truly.” He met my gaze, his eyes not hard or burning, but soft. “I don’t want you to make anything up to me.”

Just as I thought it wasn’t possible for me to deflate further, there it was.

I clenched my jaw and nodded like I agreed—he was right to want what he wanted. How could he want me nearby after I’d made him feel like he was a dirty dog all over again?

But I wanted him.

Desperately, so desperately, I tried to hold in the tears that were building at the back of my eyes like water behind a dam. I wasn’t going to use those as guilt to make him give in.

“But”—he took in the longest, deepest breath and his throat bobbed as he gave a slow swallow—“if you want to stick around for another reason, I’ll gladly, greedily take you up on that offer.”

I blinked up at him, lips parting on a wordless sound. My heart took up a slow, loud pounding in my ears. I must’ve heard him wrong. Misunderstood.

He took a step closer so we were toe-to-toe. His great hand cupped my cheek as he held me in his gaze. “I’ve wanted you since we got here, maybe since before. But…” He let out a soft breath, hand falling away. “I didn’t think you wanted me.”

The way he said it, the slight sink of his shoulders wrung me out. “But Itoldyou I did. The night we… Didn’t fucking you on a fountain give it away?”

His gaze lowered like he was suddenly shy, and his vulnerability was a tiny, fragile creature that I wanted to give a home at the centre of my heart.

I would kill for it. Destroy for it. I would face the kelpie and washerwoman myself just to keep it safe.

And this timeI’dbe the one tearing the monster limb from fucking limb.

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