Page 218 of Kingdoms of Night

I deserved this punishment.

I deserved to be abandoned. Alone. Forced to go through my estrus without an Alpha’s touch.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

Nor would it be the last.

I’d chosen this life of solitude. I had never wanted a nest or a child or a mate.

Because the right Alpha has never piqued my interest.

Until Jonas.

Which was why I’d pushed him away. He scared me. He made me question things. He caused my wolf to pace anxiously inside me. She wanted him. Even now, she was urging me to shift and go hunt for him. Because she wanted to be claimed. She wanted his purr. His touch. Hisknot.

How much of this craving is a result of the heat?I wondered.Or is this really me?

I could admit that I’d been attracted to Jonas from the first day we’d met. It was hard to ignore his beautiful face and thick blond hair and muscular form.

He was the epitome of Alpha male.

A specimen meant to be worshipped by my hands and tongue.

But this attraction went deeper than lust. It’d hit my very soul.

I’d just never understood how or why it was possible. Because X-Clan wolves didn’t have fated-mate magic. We chose our partners.

And I’d chosen not to take an Alpha.

Hell, I’d suppressed the very instinct with drugs.

Yet that hadn’t stopped my wolf from sitting up and taking notice.

I’d thought it was simply because Jonas was an X-Clan Alpha. But I’d never wanted a male like I did Jonas.

I’d found plenty of Alphas beautiful.

But Jonas took that to a whole new level.

His steadfast control, unerring calmness, and inexplicable patience all made him that much more desirable.

Just like his show of restraint tonight.

His confidence in his ability to harness his rutting instincts.

The way he’d carried me and purred for me even while being furious with me.

He was what an Alpha should be—honorable.

I should go look for him and apologize,I decided, standing upright.

I’d eaten a little after he’d left—just some random canned foods and old crackers. But it was enough to give me a bit of energy.

Except my insides were still rioting. I kept experiencing spasms that left me pretty much helpless for longer periods than I’d like.

I hadn’t experienced one in about thirty minutes.

Which meant another pang was imminent.

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