Page 157 of Kingdoms of Night

She placed the book on the desk. “It’s all so much,” she whispered hoarsely. “The girls were never here. They were never even here. And all of this… what comes next?”

“Obviously you want to go home,” he said slowly.

“Home,” she laughed thinly as she trailed her hand over the table. “Wherever that is.”

With her.

The words shriveled on his tongue. All the regret pooled with him, and yet he could not escape the reality that she deserved so much better than him. It was likely only the magic of the ballroom that had made her respond as she had. It wasn’t as if the fae played fair. But it benefited him, not her. She was the one stuck with him.

She turned to look at him over her exquisite shoulder. The tattoo of an eagle stared at him as well. “Do you have anything you want to say?”

A thousand things. A million things. However high numbers went. Yet the words eluded him.

She laughed then, almost more a huff as she shook her head. Her long tresses grazed the base of her back. They stood out so beautifully against the pink silk of that ballgown.

“I guess it’s only me, then.” She picked at her cuticles as she worried her lower lip. “Feron, I don’t think you understood me. Or maybe you did. But regardless, I need to say this. What happened last night, it was one of the most wonderful and intense nights I have ever had. There really isn’t any competition. And you were so clear that it was just because you wanted me to feel good. Not that you loved me. Not that you wanted to be with me in a relationship.”

He stiffened, blinking. Wait. How had she come to that conclusion?

She continued, her words slow but precise, shaking at the end of each statement. “But what I have realized about myself is that I can’t do that. So it is not because I dislike you, Feron. Or because you weren’t good. You are incredible. But I can’t just have fun. I need something more than that. I want so much more than that. And I think maybe even that I deserve that.”

“Idalno, you deserve every good and wonderful thing.” He crossed over to her, seeking out her gaze. “I have never known anyone like you. And I know I am not worthy of you. I know that more than anything else. That you deserve someone better, someone smarter, and I’ll never be good enough—”

“What?” She set her hands on her waist. Her dark eyes blazed, and her eyebrows lifted. “You think you’re not good enough for me? That you aren’t smart enough? That—”

He frowned. Why was she raising her voice? “You said you wanted someone smart and kind, and you deserve all that and more. I know I’m not—”

“You are smart and kind!” She smacked him on the arm, glaring at him. “You’re one of the smartest, kindest, most decent men I know, you big idiot! You stupid blood beetle, you think you aren’t good enough for me? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you tell how I feel?”

“Ummm… clearly no.” He was about to reiterate that he wasn’t smart enough for her, but then thought the better of it. He stared at her, a slow realization dawning on him. “I think maybe you like me? You weren’t just drugged with magic?”

“Maybe?!” Her eyes widened. “Maybe!”

Who knew it would hurt so much to smile? He could scarcely believe his ears. “So you do want me? You want to be with me?”

“Yes!”

“So why were you angry with me?”

“Because I thought you didn’t want to be with me! That you just felt sorry for me and wanted to make me—make me climax.”

It all flashed back through his mind again. A mixture of shock, guilt, and happiness swept through him. He reached for her hands and drew her close so he could put his arms around her. She fit even more perfectly now than before.

“Idalno, I don’t deserve you, but I also know I can’t be without you. And what I want more than anything is for you to be happy. If you want to find a way to make this work, then I will do anything to be with you. I will drink any tea you give me, however much you want, no matter how much I hate it. Now and forever.

“I couldn’t even breathe when you were gone. I have failed at everything that ever mattered to me in my life. But I swear to you that I will not fail in protecting you or in making sure that you feel loved every day of your life.

“I know you don’t feel like you’re special. Like you don’t matter. That you have to be some big, impressive Maîtresse of Venom and Poison to be anyone of importance. But you are the most wonderful and the most important person in my life. And I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

She thrust her hands against the hard planes of his chest, tears misting her eyes. “And I wish you could see yourself the way I see you! Because I don’t know why you have it in your head that you aren’t safe or good or kind or wonderful, but you are. You are the kindest, noblest, most wonderful man I have ever known. And I thought I was going to lose my mind when I couldn’t find you.”

“What?” He laughed a little as he wrapped his arms around her tighter. “You? Almost lost your mind? You have far too beautiful a mind to lose.”

She peered up at him, her eyes wide and dark. “I did. I really did.”

Dipping her head forward, she leaned into him.

He inhaled her rich intoxicating scent, his pulse thundering faster and faster. Oh, by the gods, it was real. Somehow through all the magic and ridiculousness, it had happened. He had fallen in love. The words were going to burn through him. He tightened his arms about her, clasping her so close her heart beat against his. A growl rose within him as he buried his face in her fragrant hair.

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