Page 533 of Filthy Elites

Her hand trembles as she lifts it to cover her mouth.

“I swear to you that I have never activated it, not before tonight, but when you went missing and your security didn’t know where you were I freaked out. I’m not sorry that I did this to you, because it got me there in time to protect you, but I am sorry for how I went about having it fitted in the first place.”

Her eyes are wide and she’s looking at me like she has no idea who I am, like I’m as big a monster as the man who had her pinned to the floor tonight, and maybe I am.

“I’ve never felt anything like the obsession that consumed me the day I saw you for the first time. I’m not saying that to excuse everything that I’ve done, I’m just trying to explain it maybe. Being an only child and coming from the family I do, I’m used to being spoiled, it doesn’t hurt that I look the way I do. Until you, I’ve never met anyone who didn’t fall at my feet and agree to do whatever I wanted just to please me. As conceited as it sounds, it really never even crossed my mind that you wouldn’t want to be my girlfriend.”

Swallowing thickly I look at her, knowing that after tonight she’ll never be mine again, but knowing that I need to tell her anyway.

“I thought you were playing hard to get, that the push and pull was all just a game. And then you ran. When I first assigned the security team to you, it was out of hurt pride. If I couldn’t be happy with you, then I wouldn’t let you be happy with anyone else either. It wasn’t until I got you here that I saw the damage I’ve done to you. A part of me wants to lie and say that I’m sorry, that I wish I could go back and stop myself from falling in love with you on the first day of your freshmen year. But I don’t. I will never regret loving you, because even though you were barely mine for a few weeks, they were still the best days of my life. I lied when I told you I was setting you free after you got to Kingsacre, I never intended to leave you alone. I told myself it was just another game to let you think you were free, so when you did come back to me, it would be willingly. But I fucked up and because I’m an asshole I pushed you toward that guy. I’m so fucking sorry, Starling. You got hurt, you were nearly raped because I’m an asshole who can’t deal with the woman I love not loving me back. But I promise, I fucking promise that I’ll leave you alone from now on. I’m gonna pack a case and tomorrow, I’m going to transfer back to Harvard. I’ll make this right.”

THIRTY

Starling

Sebastian starts tostand and I reach out and grab his arm, halting his movements. He’s thrown so much information at me in the last five minutes that I barely know where to start to work through it all, but the thing that sticks out the most is that he loves me.

“You love me?” I question. It’s not the first time he’s told me, but it’s the first time I actually believe him.

“More than anything else in the world, more than I realized it was possible to love another person.”

“I have a tracker in my neck?”

“I can arrange for it to be removed, there’s normally a tiny scar, but I can get a plastic surgeon to make sure you can’t see anything.”

“Why are you so obsessed with me, Sebastian?” I ask. “I need more than you seeing me and knowing I was meant to be yours.”

His laugh is low and sad. “It started because you were beautiful, but then you said no to me. It was like you lit a match against a tinder, you fought, you bartered, you challenged me and I love it. And now it’s because I broke you and you came back fighting. You are singularly the strongest, most stubborn, resilient, beautiful person I have ever met. You refuse to do as I say, ignore my rules, flout my threats and laugh at my ultimatums. You make me fight you, for everything, and I have never needed anyone the way I need you. In the world we live in, all I have to do is say my name and problems just fall away. I beat the shit out of that guy tonight and if I were anyone else, I’d have been arrested, but as soon as I told them who I was they were shutting up their little notepads and walking away. I love you, because you don’t give a crap who I am. I love you because the moment I touch you it feels like my skin is set on fire. I love you because you are the only person I know I’ll never ever get bored of.”

“So you love me because I’m a pain in your ass?” I laugh.

A soft chuckle reaches my ears and I can’t help but stare at him. “You are everything I’ll never deserve.”

“You took over my life in high school.”

“I know.”

“You turned my best friend against me.”

“In my defense, she confessed really early on that she was only friends with you because she saw me watching you and she thought you might help her get to me and the others.”

“You destroyed my relationship with my mom.”

“I know,” he says, bowing his head.

“You stalked me.”

“I did,” he nods.

“You sabotaged my college plans to get me here.”

He silently agrees.

“You had a tracker implanted in my neck and had a security team follow my every move?”

“Yes.”

As I list his crimes, I feel a smile start to form on my lips. Nothing about what he’s done is funny, but I can’t help it and by the time I’m finished, I’m giggling. This boy, this man has put me through so much. But he’s also protected me in his own fucked-up way. He’s cared for me, made me feel more than I realized was possible.

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