Page 346 of Filthy Elites

“Hey,” I say softly, grabbing his shoulder and shaking it a little to wake him up. His eyes open and dart to mine, and for just a moment, I see a mix of fear and vulnerability in his eyes that cuts straight through all the shit we’ve been through this week and sinks a blade into my heart.

“It’s okay,” I say, wanting to comfort him. “It was just a bad dream.”

He closes his eyes again, seeming to realize it, but he’s still… vulnerable.

I’ve never seen him like this before. It’s strangely intoxicating. I caress his bare chest and lean down to kiss the side of his face, anything to calm him down.

His hand covers mine and he sighs. His other hand slides into my hair and he pulls me down so my face is against his firm chest.

“Fuck,” he rumbles.

“It’s okay,” I say again, my voice gentle. I kiss his chest. “It’s okay, baby.”

I feel the tension slowly ease out of his body as I comfort him. My heart aches and I can’t get close enough to him.

He pulls my head back with the hand he still has threaded through the silky locks of my hair. He tugs me back just enough so he can kiss me, then he pushes me against his chest and sighs.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

My heart does a somersault. I hold him tight and murmur, “I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you this week.”

His apology startles me. It’s not the first one he’s given me, but the way he has been all week, it’s totally unexpected. “It’s okay,” I say, even though I’m not sure it is.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he says.

My heart contracts. His admission feels so raw and sincere. I know he’s been kind of crazy, but it really does seem like a lot of his crazy has revolved around being afraid of losing me.

I tilt my head and look up at him. I slide my hand up to caress his neck as he looks back at me, so open I think I could wound him if I tried.

But I don’t want to wound him.

“You’re not going to lose me,” I tell him.

He caresses my arm. “Promise?”

I nod even though my brain tries to caution me about making a promise I can’t keep. I’m not ready to quit on him, I’m just a bit spooked by all that’s happened.

His request brings me back to a time earlier in our relationship, too. It wasn’t that long ago, but it feels like a lifetime since he promised to never abandon me. Now, he just needs the same reassurance from me.

“I promise,” I whisper.

He pulls me close and kisses me, then he rolls me on my side and wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his body.

I wrap my arms around him right back.

For a while, it’s so quiet I don’t think he’ll speak again, but then he asks, “Do you still trust me?”

I have to think about it for a few seconds. A little bit ago I might’ve said yes just to appease him, but now that he’s being more like the version of him I’m not afraid of, I give myself a moment to search for the truth.

Do I still trust him?

I’ve found out new things about him, that’s for sure. Things that aren’t comfortable or easy, things I don’t even like. In some ways, I feel like he completely tricked me into having feelings for him. If he had come out of the gates with brutalizing near-strangers and threatening my friends, would we be here right now? Of course we wouldn’t. Even the way he has admitted to bullying me this week and pushing me around. I’m not comfortable that he knows he can do that. I’m not comfortable that there’s really nothing I can do to stop him. Sure, I could call his bluff, but then what happens if he’s not bluffing?

Because I believe Hannah was right. I don’t believe for a minute that he’s bluffing. I’ve seen him do damage now. Some stupid girl wrote mean shit about me online, I let him know it bothered me, and he nailed her to a fucking park bench.

Malicious and crazy, but at the same time, that’s pretty impressive dedication.

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