Page 18 of As You Ice It

Ishouldbe in there. I know it.

While I’m well aware of my shortcomings and imperfections as a mom, I also know I’ve mostly done well by Liam. He’s a good kid on his own merits, but I haven’t screwed him up. I’ve supported him and given him freedom to be himself and encouraged him to chase after his interests. Even this one, while gritting my teeth the whole time. But this is the very first time I’ve honestly felt like I’m making a poor choice—thewrongchoice—as his mother.

Still, the idea of possibly running into Camden is a strong enough deterrent that I double down.

“I’m just using the time to run errands alone,” I lie. “Camden’s possible presence here is irrelevant.”

“No,” Eloise says, finally sounding serious for a moment. I like it way less than when she was laughing at me. “No, it’sveryrelevant. Not just to you but to Liam. Naomi, why did you break up with Camden? And don’t give me the whole story about how it was just casual. I saw you with him. You were anything but casual.”

She’s right. Of course she’s right. But it’s hard to articulate the breakup when, in hindsight, it’s so dumb.

“Did he do something?” Eloise presses, her voice a little softer.

“No,” I confess in a choked voice. “It was me. I … panicked. Liam started to get attached, and when I thought about how it would work long-term dating someone who lives in another city and has such a weird career, it just seemed like cutting ties sooner would save Liam disappointment later.”

And save me heartache, I don’t add, though I’m sure Lo knows me well enough to know this too.

Spoiler alert. It didn’t save either of us from anything.

“Oh, Naomi.” Eloise sighs.

“Plus, I had no reason to know if Camden was thinking about moving beyond the casual summer dating we agreed to. As it turns out, he wasn’t.”

“How do you know?”

I swallow, prepping myself for the humiliation of this next admission. “Because I tried to walk it back. I called him and told him I messed up. Asked if we could talk. He said … it was for the best.”

“I’m so sorry,” Eloise says.

I really don’t like the way her words or the kindness with which she says them dig way down deep and make me squirm.

But what I like even less is what I see out of the windshield. Or—whoI see, striding across the parking lot with purpose toward my car.

My mouth goes dry. All the oxygen in my lungs is suddenly gone. For a beat or two, my heart seizes up, pausing mid-beat.

“I’m so sorry,” Eloise repeats, “but I think you were both lying to yourselves and maybe to each other. And I know you didn’t ask for advice but?—”

“I need to go,” I say, interrupting her.

I stopped listening fully the moment the Summit doors opened and a tall man walked through them.

“We’re not done talking about this,” Eloise is saying as I hang up.

No, we’re definitelynotdone with this subject. There will be even more to say.

Because Camden is now standing by my car window, staring in at me with the intense brown eyes that have haunted my memories for months.

CHAPTER5

Naomi

The very firsttime I saw Camden, my reaction was similar to the one I’m having right now. I froze. Simply froze.

I don’t know what it is about him.

With his brown hair and brown eyes, there’s nothing overtly arresting about Camden at first glance. He has the build of an athlete but is not linebacker big or basketball tall. Cam is the kind of well-muscled height that’s more subtly noticeable in the way he moves and carries himself. He’s handsome, but his looks aren’tloud.

For me, though, Camden has an inexplicable butveryphysical impact.

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