Page 70 of As You Ice It

As Camden hops over the bench and takes position on the ice for a face-off (look at me with the hockey terms!), I lean forward, my hands clenched. We’re only a few rows back from the glass, in great seats that Parker arranged for us, but if I could, I’d have my face pressed up against the glass.

The ref drops the puck, and Eli knocks it back to Camden, and Bailey claps beside me. It gives me a little baby buzz to realize that guy out there—the one who just cut to a stop behind his net and switched directions to make a pass ismine.

Mine-ish.

We’ve danced around the topic of labeling our relationship this week, with Camden keeping up a party line of saying he wants to be serious but slow.

My personality hearsslowand wants to jam my foot on the gas, but Camden’s schedule will definitely help in this department. He left the morning after our lunch for a few road games. Other than a few video calls we had in addition to our now-daily texts, I didn’t get to see him until last night—and only for a few minutes.

You up?he’d messaged me at close to midnight.

Duh,I responded.I’ve been waiting to hear you landed safely.

For some trips, I guess the team takes a charter bus, but this time, they flew to the West Coast for a series against a team in Bakersfield.

Knock knock, he’d texted next, and by the time I realized why, he was actually knocking softly at my front door.

I threw myself into his arms and barely felt the cold as he pressed me up against the front of the house and kissed me until I could hardly breathe.

Then he put me down and stepped back. “Go inside before your toes fall off,” he’d ordered in just the kind of tone I both love and want to disobey.

I crossed my arms and stood my ground. “You’re not coming in?”

“Nope. Just needed to see you.”

When I tried to protest, he only grinned, backing away to his car while repeating, “Serious and slow.”

When I got back inside and put on socks to warm my feet up, I composed a long text making an argument for why slow and steady wouldn’t actually win the race and therefore he should consider another catch phrase.

He’d texted back four words:Something to think about.

Then three more:Serious and slow.

Serious and slow. Serious—and slow. His new mantra, his chorus line, and the bane of my current existence. At least … the slow part. I havenoproblem with serious.

In truth, it’s probably a wise choice to go slow. This is my first real adult relationship. I can’t pretend to know what I’m doing or how this works. And though Liam loves Camden and vice versa, it’s not enough. If things progressed to the level of a marriage type commitment, Camden has to be okay not just being a husband, but an instant dad.

He’d see Liam at his worst, when he’s being bratty or difficult. Admittedly, this isn’t often. Liam’s a stellar kid. But maybe such a big change would make him bratty and difficult?

No—I doubt it. Not with how much Liam loves and looks up to Camden. It would be an adjustment, but Liam would be absolutelythrilled.

Which brings up a whole other issue making slow a good choice—What if it doesn’t work out?

Like last summer, I’d be dealing with my own heartbreak plus my kid’s. Only much worse, because things are already more intense than they were. I guess that’s how it works when you restart a relationship: you aren’t starting over exactly, but spring-boarding from where you left off.

Also, Cam wouldn’t be signing up just for the Liam of right now. I’ve lived through a whole host of developmental changes. One of the biggest is still to come: the teen years. Who knows how he’ll behave when puberty hits Liam full force.

Sticking with me for the long haul is like shacking up to someone holding a grenade. There’s a chance it might not go off, but you won’t know until it does!

Has Camden even considered that? Do I need to warn him of all the worst-case scenarios that come with me like a bag of partyunfavors?

If those reasons weren’t enough, Camden has Mike, and that’s a whole other complication I’m not sure about. Mike is great, and it’s amazing what Cam is doing for him, but even from our brief conversation over lunch and the few we’ve had this week, I can’t help but wonder if he’s in over his head.

And is Mike a package deal for Camden like Liam is for me? Again, this is looking maybe too far ahead, but it’s definitely something to consider.

Begrudgingly, I think serious and slow is the right choice. Even if I don’tlikeit.

“Yeah!” Liam and Bailey jump up along with most of the arena as a very loud horn sounds. I guess we scored.

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