Page 57 of As You Ice It

Me? I’m getting my baby fix. If Evie lets me hold Juno any longer, I might catch a serious case of baby fever.

“Who’s the cutest baby in the world, and why is it you?” I coo to Juno, who honestly is the cutest baby in the world.

Liam was adorable because he wasmine, but he definitely got cuter as he got older. In any photograph from his first year, his face looks sort of smushed and lopsided with a smattering of baby acne, which I didn’t know was a thing. I still had breakouts sometimes at nineteen, so we were a matching set. Juno, with her dark hair, perfect skin, and big eyes, could be a baby model.

She and her mom, Evie, arrived late due to a last-minute blowout. From the baby, not Evie’s car. This made me chuckle because it still feels like just yesterday I was dealing with poop-up-the-back situations with Liam. It makes me weirdly nostalgic. Not for the actual gross moments (and there were many that first year) but just for when he was my little baby buddy.

Juno gurgles happily, then grabs the end of my nose and gives it a twist. I laugh as Evie manages to pry her baby’s surprisingly strong fingers from my nose with an apologetic look.

“Juno! What did we say about noses! Sorry! I can take her back if you want.”

“Nope! I mean, unless you want her. We’re kind of having a moment here. It feels like Liam was just this small and also like it was a lifetime ago. How is that?”

“I don’t know,” Evie says. “But it’s like babies have a way of bending time. This has been both the longest and the quickest year of my life.”

“You said she’s eight months now?”

“Yes. And I’m absolutely unprepared for her first birthday. Or for her to start walking.”

I saw Juno crawling earlier, and it made me glad I required Liam to keep all his Legos in his room. Juno is fast and puts everything in her mouth. Including my knuckles right now as she uses the same strong grip to drag them toward her open lips.

“Is this okay?” I ask Evie, nodding down at Juno gnawing on me. I can feel teeth, but she’s mostly just gumming me lightly. “I don’t mind being a chew toy, but I haven’t washed this hand since before y’all got here.”

Evie shrugs and sinks deeper onto the couch next to me, her eyes fluttering closed. “I had to stop worrying so much about germs. It’s impossible. Your hand is probably cleaner than half the things she stuffed in her mouth today before I could stop her.” She pauses for a long yawn that makes me yawn too. “We should go. Usually, I have her in bed before now, but I didn’t want to miss this.”

Evie has the look of a woman who needs a good nap or a full night of sleep. And probably more than anyone else in this room, I get it.

Apparently, Evie’s been raising Juno on her own. She also moved alone with Juno to Harvest Hollow a few months back, which makes me feel like we’re following parallel paths. Now, though, she has Alec, the newly retired team captain, whom she says is absolutely smitten with Juno.

And, I’d imagine, with Evie too, who is striking with her dark hair offsetting her blue eyes.

I almost work up the nerve to ask how it is dating a hockey player when you have a kid, but it seems a little nosy when we just met. Plus, Alec just retired last month, so she wasn’t dating him for long while he was actively playing. He watches Juno now while Evie works, which is honestly pretty awesome.

Younger me would have loved that kind of help, though younger me wouldn’t have been open to the relationship part. Just the help with Liam.

I try to stop myself from imagining what our lives might be like with Camden in that way, or if he’d be around at all during the season. It’s too soon to go down that particular rabbit hole. One thing at a time.

First, I need to get through our date where we actually talk about things. And maybe do some more kissing—not in a hallway by a bathroom.

The kissing sounds way more fun than the talking. I’ve never really had a serious

“Does it get easier?” Evie asks, startling me out of the memory of Camden’s lips.

My cheeks feel warm. “What?”

Cracking open her eyes a slit, Evie smiles at Juno. She lost interest in my hand a few minutes ago and is now playing with the necklace I forgot I was wearing. Her eyes are starting to flutter closed as well, and she snuggles into me with a yawn and glassy eyes. I dust off a long-retired mama move and gently bounce her until her eyes are closed, lashes resting on her chubby cheeks.

“Being a mom,” Evie says. “Don’t get me wrong; it’s amazing. But I’m just so tired all the time.”

“Yes and no? I mean, this stage was arguably the most taxing for me. Just having this tiny person tethered to you. Adjusting to some new development and stage every few weeks. Panic over everything. Days where you can’t manage to eat or take a shower or even pee because there’s a tiny person getting a tooth or having an earache. No sleep.”

Evie raises a hand without opening her eyes. “Yes. So much all of that.”

“When they get older, it’s like …” I trail off, running a hand over Juno’s soft hair while I try to find words to sum up so many years with Liam. “You get more breaks and a little more space to breathe. But the worries get bigger, or at least different. You’re not as afraid of bookshelves falling on them and more concerned with the kid at school who tells your son he’s weird.”

Evie’s eyes pop open at this, and she sits up so fast I bet she saw stars. “Did someone call Liam weird?”

Her declaration is so strong, Juno whimpers in my arms and the other conversation stops.

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