Page 16 of As You Ice It

I was both relieved and disappointed that he said nothing. At least, not about Camden.

Liam had plenty to say about hockey and talked of nothing else for three straight days. Three. Days. I’ve gotten used to him talking hockey, but it hits different when he’s talking about it in relation to himself.

It was evenworse.

Telling me about how to stand with your weight over your feet, not leaning too far forward, while I made dinner. Describing the sound of the ice when someone does a hockey stop when he should have been doing homework. Talking about finding the inside and outside edges of the blades while I was setting up his school lunch account online.

The one thing hedidn’ttalk about was Camden.

I should be relieved. I am, kind of. But I’m also disappointed. Somehow the constant hockey talk and the notable lack of Camden talk made my mind spin out with questions and worries even more wildly than before.

But I don’t want to be the one to first break our unspoken vow of silence regarding Camden.

I can only assume this means Liam didn’t see him because he absolutely would have told me. Wouldn’t he? Before we moved, I would have been sure. But now, I’m dealing with the new Liam—the one who stole my credit card to sign up for hockey classes. I can’t be sure what to expect now.

But surely he would have saidsomething.

After meeting Camden, Liam latched on. Hard.

You and me both, buddy.

In fact, it wasthis—seeing Liam get starry-eyed over Camden—that made me realize I needed to end things. Because it wasn’t just my heart on the line. At the end of the summer, no matter what wishful thinking kind of talk Camden and I might have, he would leave me. And leave Liam.

I didn’t think either Liam or I could take the heartbreak if we attached any more to Camden. Fear made the restlessness start humming under my skin until I just blurted out, “I think we should stop seeing each other” in the middle of an otherwise perfect date. Not my best move.

Hearing about the breakup was the first and only time Liam has ever yelled at me. He shoutedWhy would you do that?andSomething is wrong with you(that one stung) and called me stupid, which didn’t hurt but did get him grounded. He took off on his bike before I could enforce his first-ever grounding.

When he came back, he was no longer angry but resigned and sad.

Drooping shoulders. Red eyes. Trembling lower lip he bit so hard it bled.

I hugged him, ungrounded him, and we went for dinner at my dad’s place. A pirate-themed bar isn’t normally the place to cheer up a kid, but Liam has always loved Bard the parrot and my dad’s grilled cheese on gluten-free bread he stocks just for Liam.

Watching him perk up slightly as Bard quoted Shakespeare didn’t reassure me I’d made the right choice breaking up with Camden before things got harder. It made me imagine what things could be like if I hadn’t. Because I could suddenly see Camden in the kitchen with us, being present in his quiet way. Bringing his steadiness into my chaos.

I started to do something I rarely do: second guess myself. I got a feverish case of whatever the breakup version is of buyer’s remorse is.

Is breakup remorse a thing?

A legitimate illness or not, it led to me making a mistake I’d rather not think about right now, parked in the shadow of the Summit. I’d rather stuff another apple cider donut in my face, so I do, while Eloise catches me up on Oakley gossip. I turn the engine off to save on gas, hoping the heat in the car lasts until Liam comes out.

By the time Eloise is finished with her updates, I’ve decided to tell her about Liam and the hockey classes. So far, I’ve managed to keep it from everyone back home (namely, my dad and Jake), and our schedules haven’t lined up for Liam to talk to them. I’m sure it would have been the first thing he said.

So, Eloisewillfind out. It’s shocking she hasn’t used her built-in Naomi radar to guess already.

“You want to know what stupid thing your Sir Liam did?” I ask, heart beating a little more wildly than it should.

“Is that even a question? Absolutely.”

“First off, heborrowedmy credit card.”

“No! Liam? No. Not Sir Liam. Wait! Was it to fund a nonprofit or donate to an animal shelter?”

“No.”

“Did he … buy a set of vintage encyclopedias to read when he’s bored?”

“No, but only because he’s hoping you and Jake will get him one for Christmas.”

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