Page 62 of Between the Lies

Robert chuckled. ‘I think you’re hammered.’

Joshua swatted a hand in the air. ‘Fuck you. I can drink. It’s you who can’t think straight when you’re drunk on a woman.’

At Robert’s raised eyebrows, Joshua thudded his can on the coffee table and swivelled, so he was facing Robert. ‘When you were with Anne, she told you how she worried you’d get hurt in the line of duty. Robert, you joined the police force to help others. Still, you held yourself back, even took up desk work.’

‘I—’

Joshua cut Robert short with a raised hand. ‘I’m talking. God knows Cheryl and you never let me. Listen to me. I know Anne’s gone and you shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but you’ve got to stop this. Anne told you to limit your career, and you did. Anne said you couldn’t hang out with Cheryl and I, so you stopped meeting us after work.’

Robert shook his head, unable to bear it. ‘She was right.’

‘No marriage is perfect. For Beth, I never did anything right. I forgot to buy the coffee, I forgot to get the grout cleaner, I didn’t fix the leaking tap, I needed to send the damned meter readings in and I didn’t… I spent too much time working, too much time with my pals. And lately, too much time being there for you. It’s an endless list. But there is dissatisfaction and there is asphyxiation. I’m sorry to say, but when it comes to love, you suffocate yourself to make the relationship work.

‘Nina says love doesn’t last, so you shouldn’t care. But fuck, Robert, you believe the world goes around because of love, humanity, people caring about each other. Why the fuck would you be there for Daisy, help Billy, turn a blind eye to a kid shoplifting bread to feed his siblings? You’re a cop, and a crime is a crime. Do you believe that?’

Joshua loved his jokes and pranks; the man had never stitched two sentences together that held such heavy sentiment. This tirade had arrived so out of the blue, Joshua had been able to speak without interruption because Robert had been stunned.

And then Joshua’s words sank in.

Anne had told him to refuse promotions, had asked him to turn down opportunities that could increase his responsibilities and expose him to more difficult cases. He hadn’t put up a fight. Being a cop had been his dream, and yet he’d held himself back, taken Dickheadson’s tongue-lashings, helped his colleagues get the promotion.

Anne had refused to let him volunteer at a local soup kitchen because they rarely spent time together. And though she stepped out to meet friends, he’d refused to grab a drink with his.

The only time he hadn’t listened to her was when he’d paid for Daisy’s tuition. It had been difficult, an act of rebellion, but also a way to stop Anne from seeking another round of IVF. He hadn’t wanted her to get pregnant again, and she’d refused to listen, so he’d spent the money.

Fuck. All this, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been happy in his marriage. Yet…

‘Here I am, all alone and broken. Love is a fleeting emotion.’

Joshua smirked. ‘Didn’t you hear a thing I said? You’re almost forty. Have you once found yourself abandoned by love?’ Joshua thumped his chest. ‘Love is inside you. It’s the way you see the world, how you treat the world. It has nothing to do with anyone else. You loved Anne, did everything for her out of love. Hell, you’re investigating her death out of the love you feel for her. Whether you were the man she could love, that choice was hers to make. Love exists even if it isn’t reciprocated. But if you add conditions to it, compare it with someone else’s relationship, that’s jealousy. That isn’t love.’

Robert sat there, mum, his beer long forgotten. His logic agreed with Nina’s definition of love. But Joshua had it right: his heart did not.

His marriage hadn’t been perfect, not for a long time. It had taken meeting Nina for him to realise what it had been – a failing relationship where both parties were absolutely miserable. But Nina had been wrong. The investigation into Anne’s death wasn’t Robert’s way to avenge her and right his wrongs as a husband. It had been his way to grieve for the woman he’d once loved and to apologise for not stepping away sooner.

‘How do I love and not suffocate myself?’ Robert set his beer on the table. ‘Jeez, I sound like a TV character.’

Joshua chuckled. ‘I think you’re asking the wrong question. You should ask: how do I keep from suffocating?’

Robert raised an eyebrow. ‘And what’s the answer to that?’

Joshua smacked a hand on Robert’s chest. ‘I’m no sage, but I’ve worked with you for a few years now. I’ve seen you following your gut and your heart. And I’ve never seen either of those lead you astray – ever. If I were you, I’d start there. Oh and’ – Joshua leaned down and pulled up a backpack – ‘you can start by looking at Nina’s backpack. I nicked it from the flat before Dickheadson’s cronies got their hands on it.’

Robert blinked at Joshua and the broad grin on his face. ‘Th-Thank you?’

Once more Joshua tapped Robert’s chest. ‘I’ve got your back – always.’

CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE

Billy and Daisy had Robert’s best intentions at heart, but Nina wasn’t teaming up with Robert. Hell, the only reason she’d agreed to in the first place had been because the man appeared to be as invested in the truth as she was.

But if a single word from his dick of a boss had changed Robert’s perception of her, their partnership was as fragile as a dandelion seed-head.

And she couldn’t afford that.

No, the reason Nina found herself at the University of Strathclyde’s archives department was purely to helpherwith the case.

A brief internet research on Anne Muller had informed Nina that she’d completed an undergraduate degree in business and economics from this university. Nina’s foray into the archives – she’d told the archivist she was researching an article – had been to find out more about the woman’s past, something not everyone flashed on their social media.

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