Page 4 of Kissed and Missed

I responded anyway, and my initial suspicions were dead on. Now, I’m hooked. Hardly a few hours go by without us talking, even if it’s just to exchange a few texts complaining about our shitty lunch or exchange commentary on whatever current event is sweeping the news. I stay up late, curled alone in bed with my phone pressed to my ear, talking to him until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. In the morning, I wake up damp with sweat and unspeakably horny because of whatever dream-Julian did to me overnight.

My freaking vibrator dropped dead from overuse last week, and I had to pay twenty-five dollars to overnight its replacement.

Being attracted to him is bad. What’s worse is walking around with a permanent ache in the middle of my chest; a deep, piercing wound that throbs every time I think about Julian Ballard.

It’s unreasonable to have such a strong connection with someone you only spent a few days with. If a friend was in this situation, I would tell them to get their butt on a dating app and move the hell on.

Except,I feel it.

There’s no denying there’s something there, but if keeping a normal, uncomplicated relationship going has been too much for me thus far, what are my chances of making it work with Julian? The answer to that is a bitter pill to swallow, and I keep my gaze trained on the window, watching the traffic grow denser as we get closer to the city.

Friends. We’re friends now.Just friends. In my lap, the phone vibrates again.

Have you given any more thought to the job?

I have to bite back a smile, even as the wound in the center of my chest aches worse than ever. He asks me that about once a day, apparently hell-bent on tempting me back to California.

You’re not used to hearing the word “no” are you, Mr. Ballard?

As a matter of fact, no. I’m not.

I don’t know what to say to that, but as I stare at the screen, bubbles pop up to indicate Julian is typing, then disappear, then reappear. Finally, another message comes through.

Can we video chat tonight?

I’d like to see you.

My stomach drops. He wants to see me?Why? Until now, our relationship has been comprised of purely platonic texting and phone calls, colored by the unspoken understanding that we want to be together, but can’t, and the memory of the one and only moment we stepped over that line. A video call is unquestionably more intimate, and I can’t let myself go there. I just can’t. God, just the thought of seeing his face…

My thumbs are stiff as I type out my response, completely absorbed in the little glowing screen that connects me to Julian Ballard.

That’s probably a bad idea

Astripping naked and spreading my legs to show him how wet he makes melevel bad idea. Which is almost certainly how repeated video chats would end up.

I’m willing to risk it.

I blow out a long, uneven breath. He might be willing to risk it, but I’m not. Despite exclusively dating and sleeping with women until now, I’ve been attracted to men before. Unfortunately for me, I’ve also never been as attracted to anyone, of any gender, as I am to Julian Ballard.

Chest tight, I turn my phone on silent and shove it in my purse without replying. Then, because the universe clearly has decided to shit on me today, Sophie reminds my fatherthey’reout of toothpaste and need to stop on the wayhome.

God. Would it besobad if I jumped out of the car? Because I kind of want to jump out of the car. We’re not even going that fast.

“How far is this place?” I ask, my voice a pitch higher than usual as we slow to a stop in city traffic.

Dad’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror. He frowns. “Honor?—”

Whatever he has to say is lost in the sound of his phone ringing, and I turn back to stare at the grimy windows of the storefronts we pass, lost in thought. Until Dad’s next words make my heart plummet right through the floor of the car.

“Which hospital?”

3

JULIAN

My lungs are on fire, and every breath is like throwing wood on the flames.

I don’t stop, though I know I could. It makes me defiant, as if I’m getting one-up on my own body. Today is different. It’s not my body that’s the challenge, or my business, or whoever has decided to do battle with me that week, it’sher, and Honor Vogel takes my breath away in a different manner altogether.

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