Page 34 of Kissed and Missed

First, you should be aware that this is the sixth version of this card to exist. Whenever I’ve stolen a moment over the past few days, trying to put down a few words to adequately describe what you mean to me, I’ve come up short again and again. Or, when I was satisfied, you would walk into the room and smile at me.

If I’d known you existed, if I’d known it was possible to feel this way or that I’d someday need to write a Valentine’s Day card like this one, I might have paid more attention in English class. I didn’t, though. Instead, I troubled myself with building big, valuable things that did nothing to prepare me for what it is to find someone I want to build something even bigger and more valuable with.

Sitting here, staring down at this sixth goddamn attempt that still isn’t good enough for you, I’m coming to the reluctant realization it never will be, and that expressing my feelings on paper is not something I excel at. What I am good at is keeping my word. So, in the spirit of brevity and knowing I’ll likely be standing a room away, anxiously waiting for you to read this, I would like to promise you just four things.

1. You’ll never have to wonder if someone wants you, because I do.

2. You’ll never have to wonder if someone will be there to buy you flowers and chocolates and teddy bears holding hearts on Valentine’s Day, because I will.

3. You’ll never have to wonder if anyone is in love with you, because I am.

4. You’ll never have to wonder if you made the right choice in being mine, because I’ll prove that you have.

All my love,

Julian

As I read the last line and lift a shaking hand to my mouth, all I can do is stare down at the card. For a second time, I read the cramped letters taking up almost every free inch of the interior, growing smaller near the end as if he was worried about running out of room before he told me everything he needed to.

And I know, with absolute certainty, that this card is going to be in my life forever.

It will linger in a drawer, all but forgotten, because I’ll be so happy living the life it brought me to. I’ll stumble across it from time to time, and I’ll read it, my eyes burning with tears just like they are right now as I remember the first time. I’ll show it to Julian, who will hug me and kiss me and promise me it’s still all true, even if there is gray in my hair and lines on my face.

Someday, after we’re gone, our children or grandchildren will find it amongst our things, and they’ll have a tiny momentof comfort in knowing the love we had made us so much luckier than most.

It’s so fast, and while the logical, pragmatic part of me still can’t wrap her head around it, in my heart, I know that it doesn’t matter. Six minutes, six hours, six days, six months, six years… it really just doesn’t make any difference.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I suck in a sharp breath, spinning to face Julian. He’s standing just inside the bedroom, hands shoved deep in his pockets, and he looks so guarded, so concerned his words were too much…

“Yes,” I blurt out, heart pounding and adrenaline rushing through my veins as it sets in what I’m about to do. There’s a lot I’m feeling right now—hope, sorrow, joy, and love, but not a single part of me is worried. I get it now.

Loving someone isn’t something that just happens to you. Falling for them, maybe, but really, truly loving them? That requires trust. It requires making a choice—the choice—and making it again, and again, and every single day for the rest of your life.

A choice I’ll be making, starting right now.

“Yes?” Julian echoes, some of the fear clearing from his handsome face. He takes a single, hesitant step toward me.

I nod, letting out a breathless laugh of joy and relief. “Yes. Yes to the job, to the gala, to being with you,all of it.” He stares at me, his chest heaving as I continue. “One through four. I’m in, and I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel like it would be some kind of burden to be with you, because it’s not and?—”

My rambling is cut short by Julian lurching forward, closing the space between us in two long strides, and lifting me straight off my feet. I barely have time to squeal in surprise before he’s kissing me.

“God, Honor,” he hisses, teeth grazing my bottom lip as my legs wrap around his hips, sealing my naked body against his clothed one. “You want to be mine?”

“Yes,” I whisper without hesitation and let out a breathy moan as I feel his cock hardening against my bare pussy through the material of his pants. We spent half the night having sex, his cum is still sticky on my inner thighs, but already I feel myself getting wetter as our kisses turn desperate and hungry.

Julian turns us, and a laugh bursts from my lips as he lets me go, allowing me to sprawl onto the mattress beneath him. Towering above me, still fully dressed, Julian stares down at my naked body. His jaw tightens, and it occurs to me—somewhere deep in the back of my lust-riddled mind—that I don’t feel even a little bit self-conscious.

By now, this man has seen every inch of my body. His fingers have dug into the stretch marks on my hips, and he’s kissed the scar from when I had my appendix taken out. He brushed his lips over my thick thighs and ate my pussy until I had to beg him to stop. All the things I used to worry about when I was naked with someone, now just make me feel sexy and powerful.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Valentine,” I whimper as Julian leans forward over me, bracing one hand on the mattress as the other finds my pussy. Eyes boring into mine, he pushes two fingers through my slit, dragging the slick arousal welling at my entrance up to my clit and circling it teasingly. “I’m going to take care of this pussy, Honor. Just spread your legs, and I’ll make you feel better.”

I cry out weakly as he brushes featherlight circles over my clit, bucking into his touch. “You’re torturing me.”

His eyes glint, a dangerous smile curving his lips. “You trust me, don’t you? You trust me to give this greedy little cunt what it needs?”

My head bobs up and down automatically as I pant. “Julian,oh god!”

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