Page 32 of Kissed and Missed

The hiss of footsteps over sand makes my heart leap into my throat, but I don’t turn, keeping my eyes trained on the horizon as they draw nearer. There is only one person it could be, and it’sall I can do to not look at him as he sits down beside me, our legs stretched out side by side in the sand, only a foot apart.

How does that small distance simultaneously feel too close and too far?

“Are you hungry?” he asks, his voice a gentle rumble that settles low in my belly. “Do you want me to bring you something?”

Despite my best judgement, I turn. Julian is staring at me. Neither of us looks away.

“I’m okay,” I tell him at last, digging my toes into the sand. “Aren’t you a little overqualified for sandwich delivery?”

One corner of his mouth quirks into a half, self-conscious smile that makes my heart lurch in response. We’ve officially been looking at each other for way too long, and still, I can’t tear my gaze from his.

“If it makes you feel better, I think my CEO days are numbered,” Julian murmurs at last, a hint of embarrassment in his voice. My eyes widen, but he shakes his head, dispelling my outrage. “It’s my choice. I’ve been unhappy for a long time, it’s time to make a change.”

I hate the idea of this man feeling unhappy, even a little. Since the moment I showed up at his door, numb with shock from the texts that arrived only moments before, Julian has gone out of his way to make me feel welcome and comfortable.

“What will you do instead?” I ask, brushing aside the hair whipped into my face by the wind coming off the Pacific.

Julian doesn’t answer at first, tearing his gaze away from mine. We both watch as he lifts a handful of sand, letting the grains fall through his fingers back onto the beach. “I’m starting a nonprofit. To be honest, I’ve come to the conclusion I’ve made more money than any one man should ever have.”

Why do I suddenly want to cry?

“You’re starting a nonprofit?” I croak, incredulous.

His gaze turns to the ocean as he nods slowly in confirmation. “I had the idea a while back, but the ball has just started moving within the last month or two. The goal is to empower smaller, existing nonprofits through investment and give them access to Ballard Enterprises’ resources. I think it’s how the money can do the most good.”

And, with a sudden, horrible burst of intuition, I realize why Riley always spoke so bitterly about her father. She’s his only child. He isn’t married. Knowing my ex-girlfriend, she was counting on every penny of Julian’s fortune becoming her’s. I want to ask him why he didn’t tell me sooner, when I was talking his ear off about my lame event coordinator job at The Healthy Heart Foundation, but for a man whose entire life is about making a lot of money, of course he must be self-conscious about the decision to give it away.

“That’s amazing, Julian. Seriously. I—” I let out a disbelieving little laugh, because who does this guy think he is, being so perfect? “Is it weird to say I’m proud of you?”

He lets out a quiet laugh, lifting another handful of sand and allowing it to fall through his fingers absentmindedly. “Slightly weird, yes, but only because I can’t remember the last time someone said that to me.”

It’s difficult to swallow past the lump of emotion clogging my throat. “Are you going to stop being the CEO of Ballard Enterprises to run it?”

“I have a five-year plan to step back from the business and get more involved in the nonprofit. I’ve been looking for the right director to take charge.” Slowly, his eyes drift from the ocean back to mine, and again, my heart bangs against my ribcage. “Do you want the job?”

My mouth goes dry, and for a moment, all I can do is blink at him, struggling to accept that he really did just offer me whatI think he did. “Uh, I’m, like, pretty ridiculously unqualified,” I finally manage to squeak.

Julian lifts his shoulder casually, eyes sparkling. “That’s one benefit of being the boss. Who is or isn’t qualified is up to me to decide.”

I let out a startled laugh. “But, why me? There have to be tons of other people out there who would do a better job.”

Why am I trying to talk him out of this? This is a literal dream job, the kind of thing I imagined myself doing before the cold, hard reality of adulthood set in.

Julian seems to be thinking along the same lines. “So, you’re telling me you don’t want it?” he asks, lips pulled into an amused smile.

“I do. I don’t think I can, though,” I tell him, wincing. “My life is in Connecticut. My dad is there, my sister’s close by and I have a lease with my best friend, Sophie. It would be really shitty to just duck out.”

Unlike me, Sophie could probably afford the rent on her own without a problem. I know what engineers at my dad’s firm make, and only one year out of college, my friend and I are firmly in different tax brackets.

I’m making excuses, because I know that if I moved here, if I worked with him every single day… I would fall so hard.

Julian listens to me ramble on, his stormy eyes searching my face. “I understand,” he says when I’ve talked myself out. “You would be great, though, Honor. I didn’t get this far in life without having an instinct for these things.”

A gust of wind whips a few strands of hair back into my face. I’ve barely lifted my hand to brush them away, however, when someone else does it for me. My sharp inhale is lost in the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach.

“I’m sorry.” Julian’s hand falls and we both turn, staring out at the ocean, side by side.

What was that?

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