Page 27 of Age of Shade

In response, Ruby cackles so loudly it attracts disparaging looks from the girls at the next table.

Ignoring them, she leans forward, lowering her voice. “Foryou, I bet. The last time I saw you, I had to practically drag you into that hotel. You can imagine my surprise when I find you practically drooling all over Liam’s friend. We went back to the lounge after dinner, you know, and neither of you wereanywhereto be found.”

My cheeks get hotter somehow. “I liked him,” I admit, dropping my eyes to my computer screen to avoid looking at her directly.

Ruby scoffs. “Understatement. You guys wereso cute.I’ve never seen you take to anyone like that.“ She lowers her voice, excitement coloring her tone. “Did you guys come to an…arrangement?”

I know exactly what kind of arrangement she’s talking about. Just like that, my mood sours.

“It’s not like that.” I flip open my book, thumbing through chapters to get to the one we need. “I… really did like him.”

Too much. I’m in way further than I should be given that I have absolutely no proof Asher isn’t just in this for fun. Mybraintotally gets it, but my traitorous heart is already whisperingwhat ifin between sending up elaborate fantasies of wedding dresses and family vacations.

Stupid.

Despite this wildly improbable turn of events and my subsequent night as horny Cinderella, my life isn’t a fairy tale. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I tell myself that, however. I can’t seem to snuff out the little ember of hope that’s now burning away in my heart.

Ruby’s right. I’m okay with being polite, or even kind. When it comes to really connecting, though? No way. I’m out. I began construction on the twenty-foot-tall, barbed-wire-topped wall around myself before I was even out of grade school. It’s still there now, heavily fortified and standing ready to keep out any and all intruders who might get in the way of my escaping my shitty origins.

No friends. No lovers. Nobody who might ask too many questions or get too close.

I let Asher in, though. He’s been inside for years now, claiming my heart with every stupid knock-knock joke left on a Post-it note and his utterly unselfish support. Taking the proverbial plunge and being brave was easy with him, becauseI’d already done it. It’s the other stuff, the uncertainty and the lies and the money, that are harder.

Hard or not, though, I still spend my sleeping hours dreaming about his hands on me and my waking hours remembering how I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt to fall asleep in his arms or to wake up beside him. There was something sonaturalabout it—even if I knew it wouldn’t happen again. It felt like we’d done it a thousand times.

He said it was just for one night, but he asked me to meet him next weekend too. Was it just that he wasn’t sure if he would like me enough to commit to another “date,” or did he feel just a tiny bit of the clawing panic I did when I thought I would never see him like that again? Is he panicking about his lie, just like I’m panicking about mine?

I’m so mixed up and confused, I don’t know which way to spin out first.

“Adina. I like Liam too.” There’s sympathy and warning in Ruby’s voice that’s like a bucket of water thrown over the hope kindling in my chest. She doesn’t need to say anything else. I get it. She likes Liam, but she doesn’t expect more from him than he’s offered her. Her heart is her own.

We might not be friends, exactly, but Ruby is looking out for me. She can tell I’m in danger of making the oldest mistake known to womankind: falling for the wrong man.

Hitching an unconvincing smile on my face, I finally manage to look up to meet her penetrating gaze across the table. “I’m okay. Seriously. It’s nothing. I’ll probably never see him again.”

Liar.

I turn my eyes back to my computer, trying to ignore the weight that has suddenly settled inside me.

If there’s one thing my mother taught me, it’s that relationships come and go. I need to take care of myself and build a future that nobody else can take from me. This moneywould have brought me just a little bit closer to the stability I’ve been craving my whole life, yet I didn’t take it because I want Asher Roth tolike me?

Ruby leans forward, her lips pursed. “Just keep your shit together. Guys like Liam and Asher only want us for one thing, and feelings aren’t required.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

ASHER

Unlike my visit to The Witt last week, there isn’t a personal concierge waiting to take my bags or offer me complimentary use of any of the hotel’s many amenities; I’m not a personal guest of the owner this time. While the distinction certainly comes with its perks, I’m grateful to be able to escape up to my room without questions from Liam.

I’m in no shape to make polite conversation with anyone. With every day that’s brought me closer to Friday, I’ve become more and more distracted, struggling to think about anything other thanher. Depending on the hour, I swing wildly between guilt and restless excitement.

Giving her four orgasms and taking none for myself assuaged some of the burning guilt for my lies.Some. Not all, because god knows feeling Adina’s body writhing against mine, hearing her call medaddyas she came apart on my mouth, fingers, and cock… I’ll be getting off to memories of that night for the rest of my life.

There was nothing altruistic about it.

Then, learning she turned down the money—for me?The woman is a college student working two jobs, she obviously needed it. I may be a selfish bastard, but I can’t stomach taking anything from her when she doesn’t know the truth about me.

When Adina comes—no—if.If Adina comes.We didn’t exactly leave things on solid ground. I could tell she was unsure. How could she not be when I changed the boundaries of our relationship at the last possible moment? The boundariesI’dset. There’s a very good chance that she won’t show tonight. If she doesn’t, will I be able to let this go?

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