Page 87 of The Rejected Wife

Her brows draw together. “Trapped? I was a nanny. Helping you take care of her was literally my job. Why would I have felt trapped?”

“Exactly.” I nod. “You were already forming an attachment to Serene. If you’d stayed, I would’ve taken the easy way out and relied on you. I would’ve used your ability to care for her as a crutch.”

She rubs at her temple. “You’ve lost me. How would that be taking advantage of me if it’s something I would’ve enjoyed doing?”

“Don’t you see? I would’ve off-loaded my responsibility and let you take over without even realizing I was doing it. I wouldn’t have used the opportunity to learn how to be a father. I’d have used you—and you wouldn’t even have known.”

She stares at me, frustration building. “So, this wasn’t about me. This was about you worrying you wouldn’t be a real father unless you did it all on your own?”

"That's part of it, although you did a much better job of explaining it." I chuckle. "A part of me felt like I’d been given this chance to step up. After leaving the Marines, I was drifting. With Serene, I had the chance to find a purpose. And that stubborn part of me—the Marine in me—believed I had to do it on my own.”

She chuckles, not unkindly. “If only you’d realized that no one can take care of a child alone. You need all the help you can get. It’s not a cliché when they say it takes a village.”

I bark out a laugh. “I know that now. Back then, I was drowning. My thoughts were a mess. Life as I knew it was slipping through my fingers. Part of me wanted more than anything to ask you to stay. But I knew if you did, my attention would be split, and that didn’t feel right. You deserved my full focus. So did Serene. I felt torn, and I had to prioritize. It had to be Serene.”

“Which I completely understand. Of course you should put your daughter first. But—” She presses her lips together. “You didn’t have to cut me off completely.”

“You’re right. I should have handled it better. But I wasn’t in the right headspace. I had a lot going on and couldn’t ask you to stay when I wasn’t capable of being committed to a relationship with you. And a part of me truly believed I might end up trapping you—tying you to me by making you fall in love with Serene. If I'd kept you around to care for her, and if I continued the relationship, I thought we could have… You might wake up one day and wonder if you were with me for me or, for Serene. You might resent me for springing a ready-made family on you and putting you in the position of being a mother to a child who wasn't yours.”

She firms her lips, like she doesn’t trust herself to speak.

"I know. I should have talked to you about it, but I was afraid I might subconsciously, try to convince you to stay." I take a step closer, needing her to understand. “I didn’t want you to stay and then end up resenting us for taking your freedom. I needed to face this on my own. Prove I could do it. I thought I had to set you free. I needed time to get my head together. Space to figure things out. That’s why I asked you to leave.”

“Oh, my God, you were thinking like a typical man.” She throws up her hands. “You were feeling hemmed in. You panicked and did the easiest thing possible—you pushed me away. You took away my choice, thinking you knew better.”

Heat suffuses my neck as I realize, she's right. But I don’t look away. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking straight, at all.”

“You bet your gorgeous tush, you weren’t.” She snorts.

I allow myself a small smile at that. “Damn, I’ve missed your spirit. There have been so many times over the past year when I’d find myself in a particularly difficult situation with Serene and wonder what you’d have done. It’s what got me through.”

She swallows, blinking rapidly, as if overcome by what I’ve told her.

“Asking you to leave was a knee-jerk reaction. It was the obvious thing to do; so obvious that my instincts warned me not to. But I ignored them.” I swallow around the ball of regret in my throat. “I was numb. Closed off. Trying to assert some semblance of control over my situation. Little did I know that I was going into parenthood where the default position is a lack of control.”

Her soft brown eyes turn bleak. "It was so hard to walk away. You seemed so cold, so uncaring. It was as if nothing we'd talked about mattered anymore. You just wanted me gone, and I couldn't understand it."

I cup her cheek. My heart expands until I’m sure it’s going to burst out of my rib cage. "I'm sorry; I wasn't trying to hurt you. I felt like I was unraveling; I was incapable of explaining my thought process. I needed time. But Cilla, you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. The most gorgeous, beautiful, kind-hearted, sexy-as-fuck woman. I knew when I met you, I was not going to escape unscathed. And maybe that’s why I had to send you away that time. The assault of emotions on my senses—between you and my daughter coming into my life the same day—was too much. I see that now.”

So, tell her how you feel. Confess your feelings for her.

What am I waiting for? Why do I not feel ready to confront the depths of my longing for her? How right she feels in my arms. In my life. With my daughter.

I shake my head to clear it of the buzzing thoughts. I have her with me—and for a few hours, at least, we’re alone, and I’m going to make the most of it. I’m going to show her, with my body, how important she is to me, even if I’m unable to use my words to express my feelings for her yet.

I bend and scoop her up in my arms.

She laughs breathlessly. "Tyler!"

I laugh and quicken my pace, following the path that winds through the gardens until I reach our villa. The pool backs onto a private beach—just like I asked. I tap the contactless wristband the hotel gave us against the reader, then shoulder the door open and step into the cool, quiet air inside.

The living room of the villa is a seamless blend of comfort and nature. Soaring bamboo ceilings and floor-to-ceiling glass doors let in streams of golden sunlight. At the center is a deep, oversized linen sofa, its soft white cushions made for sinking into. A low teakwood coffee table holds a tray of fresh tropical fruit.

Against one wall is a custom-built, wooden bookshelf that holds a mix of books. Nestled beside it is a handwoven, rattan reading chair, draped with a soft cashmere throw, perfect for getting lost in a story during a lazy afternoon. Next to it is a table.

"That reading nook is divine," she exclaims.

Directly in front of the living room, stretching toward the ocean, is the infinity pool. Beyond it is a private beach which can be accessed via a short, wooden staircase. Wrapping around the back and side of the bungalow is a lush tropical garden providing privacy.

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