Page 22 of The Kat Bunglar

Kat needed this money.

And if Christian could snap out of her pink bubble of delusion, she’d realize she needed it too.

So how could Kat make Christian believe that retrieving the money the universe had set aside for them—conveniently stashed in Laila Malik’s epic penthouse suite—was her own idea?

She started with her self-deprecating smile, the one she had practiced in front of the mirror hundreds of times.

The one she used in her videos when she wanted to seem more relatable.

She knew most of her audience consisted of twelve-year-olds with low self-esteem.

This specific smile reassured them that she was just like them— (even though, clearly, she was much, much better).

Kat turned around and proceeded to nudge Christian in the right direction.

“Hey, friend. Hey, hey. It’s amaaaazing that you and Joseph are reconciling the way you are. It’s clear he is your twin flame.”

Christian briefly unglued her eyeballs from her phone to flick them over at Kat.

“Go on.”

The wisps of smoke flowing upwards from the mug of chai underscored the dramatic tone Kat intended to set.

“But flames need funds. And think of all the wonderful things you could both do with $12,000. Or even a scooch more. Like a romantic getaway—after you feed poor people with their poor problems.”

Christian rolled her eyes.

“Kat, we can barely afford our own rent. We’re not exactly rich.”

“Yes, but I’m talking about the sad poor people. The ones that, after you see them, you feel bad about yourself. And weird. And guilty.”

“Because they remind you that you have a conscience?” Christian probed.

“Exactly. I like to bury those types of feelings deep down in my colon, where they belong. And I think I can do that if I help you and Joseph achieve your fundraising goals.”

“And it’s not like it would be helping your own agenda or anything?” Christian added dryly.

“Money helps everyone, okay? Poor people. Rich people. It’s something that insulates you from the hardships of life. I want it. I need it. I like it. And I know where we can get it. I just need you by my side. We’ve come so far, Christian. We can’t give up now.”

Kat turned her brown, beseeching eyes (tinted with the latest purple mascara by Thrive Cosmetics to bring out the golden flecks for a dramatic flair) towards Christian.

Christian sighed in defeat.

“Okay, but only because we’re helping people in need.”

Kat gulped down her chai with gusto, almost scalding her tongue in the process.

Thank God Christian was a virgin and not completely ruled by her vagina—yet!

“Onward and upwards, to infinity and beyond, my friend!” Kat toasted.

As Kat leaned back on the kitchen counter and watched her parents play with Mr. Benji in the backyard, her mind buzzed with a hundred things—

Money. Christian. Joseph. The minutes ticking away in the background.

She needed to get things under control.

She had not seen Joseph and this reconciliation coming, and she couldn’t afford to have any more surprises in the future.

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