Page 96 of Give Me a Shot

He pulled out his phone and dialed once he’d gotten comfortable sitting on his bed.

“Hephaestus!” she said, answering after the first ring.

He smiled, still feeling a little shy about his new nickname.

“Hi, m’lady. How’s your evening been?”

He sensed the downshift in her energy before she spoke.

“It’s been…something.” She sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“That’s part of the problem,” she said, after a dry laugh. “Nothing. Got the results back from the second round of tests, and there is not a single thing wrong with me.”

The opportunity was right there. She’d given him the perfect chance to share what he’d confirmed with Mrs. S. He took a breath to prepare himself.

“So I’m raring to go for my visit with my parents this weekend.”

All the air whooshed out of Mo’s body.

“You’re…visiting your parents?” he asked, hoping his voice wasn’t as shaky as it felt.

“Yeah,” she said. “I decided to give in. To Alice, Steph, my mom. All of them.”

“Oh,” he said. Running a hand down his jean-covered thigh, he vacillated about what to ask next. The grief or the visit. He was uncomfortable about both.

“Um, I’m surprised,” he rushed out. “What made you decide to go?” He swallowed thickly, hoping he hadn’t sounded judgmental.

“Well,” Jess said. “Alice and Stephanie wouldn’t push the way they have been if they didn’t think that it would truly help. They haven’t let it go and probably won’t until I actually do it. By the way, thank you.”

“What for?” he asked, adjusting himself to sit up straighter.

“You’ve never nudged me about that. Never bothered me about my relationship with my parents. I realized it might be strange from your perspective, since from everything you’ve shared, you’re pretty close to your family,” she said.

Mo didn’t feel he merited any sort of praise for respecting how she chose to engage with her family.

“Um, you’re welcome,” he said.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” she said, a smile in her voice.

Mo’s shyness crept up.

“Uh, thanks,” he said.

“About the visit,” she said. “That last call with my mom really got on my nerves. I’ll go and just see her so that she stops asking. But the biggest thing is what I mentioned before—that I don’t feel like I’m fully home yet. It’s weird. Yeah, I went to my parents’ after I got back, but I didn’t feel like I was back in the same way that I had been during school breaks. It was kind of right, but a little off. Slightly unsettled, like…maybe this is weird, but like I was hovering, I hadn’t landed. Maybe if I go again and try to make the mental choice to land…I don’t know.”

“Ah,” Mo said. He saw a huge, glaring difference between the times that Jess had gone home during school breaks and her most recent visit: Cassie’s absence. It seemed obvious to him that a lack of one of his siblings would make him feel unsettled, but Jess seemed to be missing that possibility.

Is she missing it intentionally, or is it too painful to see? She’s dealing withenough physical pain right now. Maybe that would be a realization that would bring even more. Maybe if she tries to “land” she’ll feel differently.

“So,” she said, breaking into his thoughts. “I told my mom I’d come this weekend since we can’t do anything because you’re with Maddie, right?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I am.”

—

After chatting a little longer, Mo hung up, disappointed in himself. All he’d had to say was “I’m worried about you. I think your pain might be grief. Maybe you don’t feel at home because Cassie is part of home for you,” and he hadn’t been able to. He’d always struggled with initiating discussions that might be hurtful for other people. For people close to him, he could usually manage, even though his heart would pound and his throat would get dry. That evening he’d failed.

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