Page 84 of Not the Plan

“No. It doesn’t.”

He sighed. “So today when I came into your office?”

“She was at me again because I haven’t RSVP’d for the wedding yet. She’ll probably start calling me again in a little while. If I don’t go with a date, she’ll have an assortment of guys who are single—for a reason—at the ready to shove me in front of. She’s probably already got her sisters on the hunt. I’d thought to take RJ, but I have several uncles who are homophobic. I can’t expose him to that sort of nonsense, even though I know he’s heard it all before. And then I’d just end up in a fight with one of them, and that would only make things worse.”

He squeezed her tight again, tucking her head under his chin. Closing her eyes, she slid deep into his smell, the rhythm of his breathing.

“Isadora?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not an expert, just someone on the outside looking in. There’s something not quite right in the dynamic with your mother. No healthy parent would ever call their child perverse and devious,” he said.

“I’d hope not.”

“And I need to make sure you understand, that youknowyou aren’t a disappointment. You couldnever bea disappointment. Even if you weren’t the most skilled and intimidating and beautiful chief of staff at the California State Senate, even if you hadn’t accomplished all the things that you have, you couldneverbe a disappointment.”

She wanted to answer, but the words refused to come. The sobs were at the ready, one slipping out.

“Isa.” He pulled away again, wiping her tears and tilting her chin up. “I can’t do anything about what goes on in your head, or what anyone else says. But I need you to know that no matter what, you could never be a disappointment to me. Do you understand?”

She nodded, smiling at him reflecting her words back to her.

“If you’re a disappointment, I’m a piece of trash, okay?”

“Thank you, Karim,” she whispered.

He held her a few more minutes, stroking her back.

“Are you hungry, Little Kite?”

—

She excused herself to the bathroom, checking that her makeup hadn’t run all over the place. Karim was the second person she’d shared that with, the only person other than RJ who really knew how bad things were with her mother. And he hadn’t judged her or implied that her feelings were wrong. Another tear escaped. Maybe he did think that she was enough. She changed her clothes and returned to him. There was a white rose lying on her plate.

“Karim!”

“Couldn’t help myself.” He shrugged, giving her that shy-boy flattered and embarrassed smile. She put the rose in some water; he put a slice on her plate. After a few bites, he reached for her hand, gliding his fingertip over her knuckles as they talked. When she wanted to switch from beer to water, he insisted that she not move, and went into the kitchen to get it for her. Returning to the table, he laced his fingers with hers.

“Karim,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love touching you. But you’re right-handed. It can’t be easy eating with your left hand so you can hold on to mine.”

“I just need to hold your hand tonight, Little Kite,” he said.

She squeezed. She loved their fingers like that, adored it when he held her hand like that while they were making love. Heat rose into her cheeks, remembering the last time he’d done it, his mouth and the fingers of his right hand occupied with driving her over the edge, his left hand reaching out for her right.

They talked about his family. He was describing all the joys of being the second-youngest of five. She wanted to pay close attention but kept getting distracted by his neck—the line she liked to nibble down, from the end of his jaw to his collarbone. And farther back, the spot where it met his shoulder.

“Isa?” He’d said her name twice. “Are you okay, beautiful?”

She smiled, tugging at her napkin on her lap. “Yeah,” she said.

“I’m sorry, maybe it’s too difficult?”

“What is?”Get it together, we said tonight would only be pizza and beer.

He tilted his head to the side. “I asked you what they’d think, the rest of your family. Would they approve if…if you were with someone who isn’t black?” His nervousness made her want to wrap her arms around him and cover him with kisses. She slipped her hand out of his to wipe her lips with her napkin.

“Honestly? It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth: My mother would be far, far more interested in the JD beside your name than anything else. The rest of my family? I don’t know. The uncles I mentioned before would probably have a problem with it. But they can take a long walk on a short pier for all I care. What about yours?”

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