Page 74 of The Last Sunrise

“Your advice is better than you think,” I tell her, nudging her knee gently.

“Did you figure out what the hell you’re going to do about Julián?”

I shake my head. “No, not even close.” We both crack up, our laughter covering our heartache.

As I sulk my way back to the boat, I stop at two bakeries to bring all his favorite breads as an olive branch. I’ll miss the smell of fresh-baked bread when I get back home. Driving to the local HEB and grabbing a bag of bread is not the same experience. I sigh, swinging my oil-spotted bags of pastries gently as I think about how much I’ve grown to love this place. The people, the breathtaking views, the way the sidewalks and streets feel as if they have their own heartbeat. Everything is so alive here compared to the boxy modern architecture taking over my town.

I walk a little slower than usual, taking my time to face Julián again. Not knowing what I’ll be met with, I hesitate as I open the door. A slight panic bubbles up. What if he left? I’m immediately relieved to see him sitting on the bed, his hands clasped together on his knees, head bent.

“Julián…” I close the door behind me. The sun is blasting through the small windows of the boat. The dust flakes dancing in the light distract me for a moment before I speak.

“I’m sorry, Julián. For everything I said. For everything that happened. I can’t believe I said any of that to you.” I approach him slowly, unsure which one of us is the predator in this moment.

He looks up at me, his eyes bloodshot and cheeks flushed. I hold out the bags of bread between us and his lips pull into a fraction of a smile as he takes them from me and sits them on the table next to the bed.

“I’m sorry, too, Ry. I panicked at the thought of you leaving and knowing I can’t go, and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you, so I lashed out.”

“So did I. It’s so selfish of me to just expect you to drop your life and come with me. I think reality set in and I alsopanicked. I don’t want to be away from you, but lashing out isn’t going to get us anywhere. I just couldn’t control my temper and I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he keeps his eyes on mine and lifts his hands to my thighs, gently touching the sides of them. I push my fingers into his hair and his head drops, resting against my stomach.

I softly run my fingers over his scalp. “I’m sorry for screaming at you and saying ‘Fuck you.’?” I try to remove the humor from my voice but fail.

It’s not that the situation is funny, but my reaction was so stupid, so childish that it almost is. “I really can be such a spoiled brat. It was wrong of me to push you like that and to disrespect your hard work and the things you care about just because I want you to choose me when I know that’s not fair or logical.”

“Can I ask you one thing before we move on? Do you really feel like this has been a waste of time, Ry?” He doesn’t look up at me, just squeezes the back of my thighs with his open palms, pulling me closer. His head pushes into my stomach as if he’s holding on to me for life.

“No. God, no. Every second here with you… fighting, laughing, learning, all of it has been unforgettable and I would never regret a moment of it. Never,” I repeat, making sure it’s clear.

His voice is nearly a whisper when he says, “It feels like I’ve caused you more pain than happiness and I hate myself for that.”

“Not only is that not true, it’s ridiculous. If anyone should be saying that, it’s me. Everything in your life was fine before we came here.”

He shakes his head in my hands. “It wasn’t fine. I wasn’t living. Just going through the motions, doing what I need to until the sun sets and doing the same when it rises. Again, and again.”

I gently pull at his hair to lift his face so I can see his eyes. He’s closed them, and I push my hips forward. When he still doesn’t open them, I take my fingers and touch his eyelid, tapping the thin blue-lined skin. “I’ll pry them open if I have to.” I keep my voice light. “Look at me, Julián.” Gently, I tap his eyelid again.

He opens his eyes and the pain in them is deep. I hate that I caused most of it, and I hate that we seem to be at the mercy of “whatever happens, happens” and it’s unbearable.

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” I tell him, never moving my eyes from his. Leaning down, I kiss his forehead. “I love you.”

The storm in his dark eyes begins to lessen to a breeze as I keep repeating the words.

“Flaws and all?” he finally asks in a soft voice.

I nod. “Flaws and all. I love you. I’ll love you forever.”

“I love you, Oriah.”

“Flaws and all?” I ask, a smile on my lips.

“Flaws and all.” He stands up, wrapping his arms around me, and lifts me up. I wrap my thighs around his body, feeling so at home I could die now and know that I truly lived.

Chapter Thirty

The next morning, we take a morning swim before the sunrise, watching it float up as we wade into the soft current. After showering, we decide to take a walk as the streets are beginning their regular sounds, trucks and brakes squealing and voices picking up. We stay down on the coastline as we walk.

“This rock.” Julián bends down to grab a pebble a bit bigger than the size of a quarter, but flat on one side. “It’s the exact color of your eyes. Both of them.” The corner of his mouth turns into a smile.

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