Page 83 of The Last Sunrise

“I’ve been trying to sneak away from you long enough to make this video every night for a week, but you always wake up, so this is my only shot. I’m going to speak as quickly as possible before you wake up and ruin it,” she teases.

“You’ve made me promises, so many that I can’t even remember half of them, but I need to ask something else of you. I need this more than anything, Julián. Please, please, do this for me. Try to live a happy life, as happy as you can. Smile sometimes, take it easy on the American tourists, and please think back on our time with a full heart, not an empty one. Try your hardest not to resent meeting me, to be grateful instead of spiteful for the time we had together. It’s selfish of me, but even if I’m not here, I can’t stand the idea of you being unhappy. No matter where I am, just know that you’re the reason I know how it feels to be loved and to love. A gift I never thought I’d receive in my short life. I was so terrified of feeling anything, good or bad, that I shut everything off so long ago, so thank you for making me feel everything. Anger, annoyance, joy, bliss…” Her eyes begin to fill with tears, and she blinks away from the camera, trying to stop herself from crying.

“Thank you for making me want to live again. I really tried, and I’ll really, really try. Please help me try, no matter how hardI fight you, make me try even when I don’t have the strength or the voice. But even when… if… I’m gone, I know I’ll hear your laughter from wherever I am. I’ll count the freckles on the bridge of your nose, I’ll smell the salt water soaked into your skin, and I’ll never forget the way it felt to be held by you. You understood me, you saw me for the first time. I’m so grateful to have known you, and as angry as I am that our time will be cut short, I feel so thankful to have had even a moment with you. Please keep your promise to me, keep watching the sunrise, and I hope you think of me often but live a happy, fulfilled life like you deserve to. You deserve happiness, Julián, never forget that.” Her sobs match mine. Nurses and strangers pass above me, but I can’t look away from Ry’s video.

“I love you, I’m sorry I’m such a mess, I love you so deeply, and I’m so sorry for the pain I will cause you. Please don’t allow my absence to pull you into the darkness. Please. When you feel it coming, try to imagine me, even if you forget my face someday, even if you can no longer remember my voice, try to imagine me taking your hand and leading you to the light. That’s what you’ve been for me since the moment we met. It’s my turn to return the favor. Oh, and don’t forget to take your meds—I’ll haunt you forever if you don’t.” Her dark humor makes me choke on my own sobs.

“You’re waking up, I think, I love you I love you, God, I love you, flaws and all, Julián.” The video ends with her panning over the black night, and I can barely breathe as I sink deeper into the wall.

RY

I’m in a dark room when I come to again. Julián’s voice is there, somewhere, but I can’t see him.

“I had a dream last night, Oriah. One where you were alone, floating on the water, talking to yourself about the sea and forgiveness.” He sighs. “I could hear you so clearly, but I couldn’t find you. I circled and circled in the boat and pulled you out of the water the moment your eyes began to close.”

It’s quiet for a minute before he begins to speak again. “When I fell back asleep, I had another dream, in English. It was my first dream in English. This time of a little girl with two different-colored eyes and jet-black hair who called me pare and gave me attitude just like her mare. Two little boys who couldn’t stop yapping and screeching. You laughed as I tried to calm them—God, I miss your laugh—as our children raced around our crowded kitchen, their bellies and hearts full. You were no longer sinking, Ry, you were soaring.

“It’s okay, baby,” he says, touching my fingers one by one, lifting one to kiss, then the next, finally pressing his warm lips against my palm. “I know you’re tired, you don’t have to fight much longer. I’m selfish for begging you to keep fighting this whole time. Just please, please know that I love you. That everything will be okay because your heart is still beating. Please just fight a little more, my love. I can’t live in a world without you. I would give my life for you right now if I could. I would have done it yesterday, tomorrow—hell, anytime since I met you. You’re such a gift to this world, Oriah, to me. You came into my life exactly when I needed you, though I didn’t realizeit, and I will always, always thank you for that. No matter what happens, when you wake up, I’ll be here. I don’t care if you remember me or not, I will never leave your side. I’ll move to your capitalist country and won’t complain… much. I’ll teach you to cook. I’ll even get a driver’s license since you can’t.

“I will do anything to make you happy, to keep you safe, anything it takes. I’ll dance with you and eat that petrol station food you keep raving about. I somehow managed to make you fall in love with me once. I can do it again. And again. As long as your heart is beating, mine will.” His sob breaks my heavy heart, and I desperately try to find the light in the room, but I can’t.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Here, please have water.” Mateo’s voice is soft, slowly treading through the fog in my brain.

“I had water. Many times. Many, many times, since you keep bringing it to me every twenty minutes. Why are you speaking in English?” My mother’s tone is harsh compared to his.

“They always say when someone is unconscious, you should talk to them and in front of them. Imagine she wakes up and hears Spanish and is even more confused.”

“Good point,” she admits.

“Thanks. I’m not a complete idiot all the time, you know.”

“I know. But you do have a pretty high record.”

Laughter, from both of them. The shock of hearing my mom laughing,almost flirting, nearly has me jump out of the hospital bed.

“So do you.”

“Why did you keep those photos all this time, Mateo?” My mom’s voice changes to shaky, nervous even.

“The same reason you wrote me all those letters even though I never responded.”

“Did you read them? I can’t believe Julián had them. I hope to god he didn’t read them, how mortifying.”

“I read them and tossed them. Well, I thought I tossed them, but he kept them. But I read every word. I couldn’t bring myself to respond, to open that door, but I loved knowing what your life was like, even though I wasn’t a part of it. How Ry’s life was. I did miss you, Iz. I just—”

“That’s enough, Mateo. I can’t have this conversation right now. She can likely hear us.” She shuts him down as I begin to drift off again.

“It’s been days.” Mateo’s voice is persistent, desperate. “Come with me to the hotel and shower. You can take turns, one of you go now, and one after,” he pleads.

“No,” they both say at once.

“We aren’t leaving,” Julián tells his father, and I wonder why they’re speaking English. Everything’s blurry, but that doesn’t make sense to me.

“At least eat something, both of you,” he begs.

Flashes of Julián’s cheeks sunken in, purple circles around his beautiful eyes, haunt me, pushing me toward consciousness. “I’m not hungry,” they answer in unison.

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