Page 47 of Demise

Our relationship is complicated. When we were kids, we were best friends. Then we became more than that, and now… well, we’ve been apart for a long time, but he’s the one person I want to confide in, and I’m not allowed to do so.

So, I keep my feelings to myself. I’ve done what I needed to do. I’ve said goodbye to Samuel at the cemetery, and I’ve thought about him and our life together since I’ve been back.

I loved him, he loved me. Our time is up.

I push the boxes to the side of the room, and I make my way downstairs. The door opens and Danny walks in.

He’s just letting himself in now. At what point did I give him a key?

He wears a hunter green long-sleeve shirt and black jeans. He slides his sleeves up after he shuts the door behind him.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” I reply, hitting the bottom step. “When did you get a key?”

“Key holder,” he replies.

“Oh.” I nod, remembering we had an extra key there. I head toward the kitchen to grab an ice pack. I hear him follow behind.

I open the fridge and pull the pack out, turning to see him leaning against the counter, watching me intently. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like him here. It’s comforting. And he’s so handsome, he makes my stomach flip.

The green causes the dark in his eyes to stand out, his face has grown scruff over the past few days, and he’s gaining his weight back, as am I.

We both look much healthier.

He looks down at the counter and taps the keyboard on my Mac.

And I freeze.

The screen glows brightly in the kitchen, displaying what I purchased.

“You’re leaving,” he says. It’s not a question but a statement. I’d purchased the ticket after I bought my new camera. It’s not for a few weeks. I wanted to make sure I was good and healed before I took off. It’s not forever. I don’t know how long it’ll be, but I need to do this for me. I need to clear my head and find myself again.

“Yes,” I say, feeling…torn.

He nods and then he exhales as though he’s in pain. His eyes look to the floor and he shakes his head slightly. “How many times do I have to lose you?” he whispers.

It crumbles my heart.

“You’re not losing me.”

He angles his head. “How can you say that? You bought a plane ticket. You’ve hardly spoken to me in days.”

“I’ve been going through some stuff,” I say. “I realized something about myself.”

“What?” he asks.

“I’ve been lost.” I place the ice pack onto the counter and cross my arms. I cast my eyes downward. “It’s not easy for me to say this,” I look him in the eye, “but you were right about a lot of the things you’ve been calling me out on over the years.”

He lifts his chin.

“I was stubborn. I don’t know if I was trying to prove you wrong or trying to prove it to myself that I was where I was supposed to be.”

My chest caves. “I loved Samuel, Danny. I swear I did,” my voice cracks, “but all these goddamn years, I’ve never stopped loving you. Wanting you. And it’s been the worst kind of hell.”

I’m crying now. Crying so hard, I’m barely audible.

He pushes away from the counter. I watch him walk over to me. My body trembles. “You’ve never left my mind, love. We were made to be together. One way or another. It was always supposed to be you and me.” His hand circles the back of my neck, and I explode just from the touch, but when his lips touch mine, I shatter.

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