Page 74 of Insurgent

I used that against him. I also used the woman he loves. But Bryce took it differently than most men who’d built a kingdom on their own only for someone to snatch it away from them.

And that’s probably because of the woman he has. He has someone to be better for.

I think about how his life is clean now and void of the shit that comes along with all of this.

Samuel’s death is on me, and it’s a heavy weight.

The heaviest.

The last conversation we had wasn’t pleasant. I told him to get the fuck out of my face. I wish it wouldn’t have been that way. I have so much regret now, it’s eating me up inside. I feel the beat of my heart, the small thump in my chest, letting me know that I am only human, and humans are a complicated, messed-up species.

I grip the porcelain, looking down, clenching my teeth. I breathe deeply, clearing my mind from stupid thoughts. What is done is done. I hear my father’s voice. “Hindsight is the best insight to foresight.”

I look back at myself, lifting my chin and straightening my back, and then I smash the mirror with my fist.

Chapter Forty-Three

Bexley

One month three days missing

We stand together for what seems like hours, but I know it’s only minutes at best before I pull away. He acts as if he doesn’t want me to, like he’s scared to death that I’ll disappear right before his eyes and he’ll never see me again.

It’s not easy to have a love like this. It’s not a clean love, like what Samuel and I shared.

Samuel.

How could you kiss Danny when Samuel’s only been gone for a month?

I shake that thought, but it makes me put more distance between Danny and me. Our love is dirty, messy. Risky. Now is not the time for lust and all that comes with it.

We don’t know when Carson is coming, but he usually does every few days so we’re prepared… well, as prepared as we can be. I’m sick with worry. I see the fight in Danny’s eyes. The darkness that lives inside of him shines brightly. He’s ready to do this. But am I ready?

What will happen?

If we do live through this, will we go on about our lives as if we didn’t share this horrible experience? Should I move on and try to live a normal life?

How?

What will he do?

Where will I go?

So many questions and zero answers.

I think about a conversation we had days ago.

“Promise me.”

“Promise what?”

“That when we get out of here, you’ll go after it. That you’ll leave this town and never look back.”

Danny looked sickly then, and he doesn’t look much better now. He’s only human. That’s easy to forget sometimes, looking at him. So sure of himself, so wise in some ways, and shake worthy stupid in others. He could have had it all with me. We could have had it all, but he chose a path I couldn’t follow.

Will he continue to go alone, or will we come together after all of this?

I feel I have my answer. I’ve already promised him, after all. That kiss didn’t mean anything; it was just something two people do when they’re put in a situation like we’ve been put into. It was right to do at the time, but it won’t happen again.

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