Page 58 of Insurgent

“Bexley!”

I hear someone, but my ears ring loud, my lungs ache, and my heart shrinks by the minute.

Hands touch my body. “You trying to leave me, too?”

I turn around and see Danny. “Come on, get in the car. I’ll drive you home.”

I shake my head. “I can’t go home. I can’t be there alone,” I say, panic hitting me again.

I can’t do it.

He looks over my face before he nods. “Okay. Come to my place then.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t do that either.”

“Well, what the fuck do you want to do, Bex?” he asks, throwing up his arms in defeat. “You don’t want to go with me, and you don’t want to go home. So tell me! What do you want?”

“Just leave me alone,” I say, wiping a hand under my nose. I go to climb back into my car.

“No fucking way,” he says, holding on to the door. “Get out. I’m driving you.”

“I don’t need you to drive me. I don’t need anything from you. I need my husband. I need Samuel.”

Danny flinches, like I’ve hit him, but I don’t care. I’ve never wanted him less than I do right now. I need my life back. I need to wake the hell up from this god-awful nightmare.

His hard features show hurt, but then he says, “I know. But he was my brother, Bex, and I’m not standing by and letting his wife put herself in danger. He wouldn’t want you hurt.”

My chest caves and my eyes cast downward. “I’m the worst kind of hurt.”

He grabs my hand and squeezes it, and I feel bad for being mean to the only person who’s here for me. “I’m sorry,” I say, my voice weak.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, love.”

I look up at him and sniff. “How did this happen? How am I supposed to live without him, Danny?”

I cry more, even though I don’t want to, and Danny says, “You wake up every day and you live. That’s all you can do.”

I shut my eyes, and I talk to the devil.

Have my soul, just give me my husband back.

______________

The drive to Danny’s bar is quiet. I could stay with Ma, but that house is like a tomb filled with memories. I can’t handle that. I should stay with my uncle, who I talked to before I got a shower earlier, but he’s got young kids now and a family and I don’t want to intrude on any of them.

He assures me I wouldn’t, but I know that’s not true. The kids would want me to be chipper, and there’s no way in hell I can act like I’m happy right now.

So, after a trip back to my house to grab some clothes, I’m heading to Danny’s bar. We pull up to the curb and both of us climb out. I walk inside, noticing no one in here.

“Where are your customers?” I ask.

“I told Mae to close up for the night.”

“I hope you didn’t do that on my account.”

“No. My brother just died, Bexley. I need to grieve just like you do.”

God.I rub my forehead. “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.”

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