Page 39 of Insurgent

He licks his full lips, his eyes dancing over the place before they go back to me. And when he looks at me, he truly studies. Samuel has always had a way ofseeingme.

But not what I hide behind a cemented wall. Not the ugly side that he surely would not recognize. The side that loves his brother. She wears black, too, with dark crimson lipstick and thigh-high boots, and when she was a kid, she threw rocks at windows and broke into the school to fuck with the teachers’ things.

She swiped candy at the convenient store just because Danny told her to and skipped school so she could sneak into the movies with him and eat popcorn that he had the money for because he “mowed lawns”.At least that’s how he told me he got the money.

She let that boy crawl into bed with her because she was sad about losing her mom, and after that night, she dreamed of him often, waking up with soaked panties and a pounding heart.

But she’s no longer allowed to come out. Now the side that arranges flowers is all the world sees. She dresses well and is a good model citizen. She helps out in her community, giving back to children with no parents. She’s grown up a lot, but sometimes she misses the girl she used to be.

Life has a way of molding you. Shaping you into what society thinks you should be. I guess that’s what attracted me to Danny.

He gives no fucks.

He throws up his middle finger to society and its fucking rules.

But I realize you can’t go on like that. You have to be a part of society and understand that there are rules.

And here I am thinking about Danny when I have a beautiful man standing in front of me…most likely about to ask me to marry him.

A man I am lucky to have. Samuel is the one who watched a movie with me when I lost my mom and was heartbroken. He’s the one who carried my books when we first saw each other again in the halls after years apart.

I love the special attention he gives and the fact that he listens to the hopes and dreams I have. Not only listens, but makes them a reality. Any girl can want a white picket fence, but actually finding a man who gives you that…well, that’s special.

Samuel pushes off the wall, walking closer to me.

“The first time I saw you, you were in a flowery bathing suit with water raining down on you. The sun was shining through the water, giving off this halo effect. I was just a kid, but I thought there’s something extraordinary about this girl.”

I swallow as Samuel stands in front of me, my eyes going to the hair on his chest.

“And then you started coming over all the time. I watched you laugh with Paul and roll your eyes at Danny’s indifference. But the thing I watched the most was how you looked at me. You were my friend first. You listened when I talked and spent time with me. You cared about my baseball games and whatever else I had going on.”

I loved watching Samuel play baseball. He was a natural. Still is when the boys from his work get together. I guess we bothseeeach other, and maybe that’s why we work.

“I believe running into you all those years ago and then prom working out the way it did…I think it was fate. I know that life is going to be hard sometimes. I know that we will have our struggles. But I believe for two people to have a successful relationship, they both have to decide that no matter what battles they face, they’ll suit up together.

“I want to fight every war beside you, Bexley. I love you.”

With the candle flames dancing across our walls and reflecting in his eyes, Samuel goes to one knee. My heart jumps, my eyes water, and there are the butterflies. Those beautiful winged creatures soar with purpose, reminding me why I fell in love with this man. It’s because he’s always been there.

He’s shown up every time.

That goes past lust and want.

Being there for someone is love without telling.

He opens his hand. “I was going to wait to do this, but something told me to go ahead.” He smiles. “Will you marry me?”

A ring with a single diamond sits in a black velvet box in a hand that’s loved me, built this home, and made a life for us. My heart beats happy; my soul breathes.

The girl who hides inside of me weeps because she knows that once we make this choice, that’s all there is.

My knees bend and I sink to the floor with him. He watches me. I reach out and run my finger down the side of his handsome face, giving him a small smile. I adore this person.

I adored the boy he used to be and the beautiful man he is today.

“Yes, Samuel.” A tear runs down my face and not because I’m overjoyed with happiness, but because my heart is breaking in two.

I’m choosing.

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