Page 88 of Give Me Redemption

He came in and showed me what it means to live. He helped me numb the pain I feel. The guilt I’m responsible for.

I’ve been trapped in a black hole. A sick darkness that I’ve had no desire to climb out of. But he came along, grabbed my hand, and tried to pull me out.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this person. My career, the one thing I’ve focused on, suddenly means nothing anymore.

It’s been a few months since we last saw each other, and I still can’t shake him. Bryce’s case is still cold. If the man is running an illegal gambling operation, we can’t touch it. He knows what he’s doing. He has to have a tight grip on everyone who comes in and out of there. Davy has even put it on the back burner and got off my ass about it.

I finally convinced him that Jace isn’t talking and we have other important things to focus our time on. We’re still watching Red, but it’s not our main focus.

I spent Christmas with my family, and Dad asked me about Jace. He knew I was working that night at Hudson’s, and he did so well not letting anything slip up, but later he told me he hated I had to do that because he liked the boy.

I admitted I did, too, and it was killing me. Life has gone back to normal for me. I’m working hard on finding missing children and nothing else.

Because this is what I’m good at.

The only difference is, I now know what happiness feels like. I’ve had a taste of it, and being without it is sucking my soul dry. I’m a robot and everyone at work has noticed.

“You need to get laid,” Monroe says as I sit at my desk, scrolling through security camera footage. This man yanked a kid right out of his parents’ hands and took off. It’s insane how fast these things can happen.

“I’m not a guy. I can’t just fuck anyone,” I reply, deadpan.

He grins. “Seriously? What’s that guy’s name you were messing with?”

And it’s now I realize I tell Monroe too much about my personal life.

“Malcom and he has a girlfriend, and that was different.”

“Don’t really see how. You were sleeping with him, and it never went farther. You could do it again. Hey, why don’t we go out? We can hit up Red. A little work, a little play. What do you say?”

“I say that’s a terrible idea, and you know I hate clubs.”

“Well, you aren’t going to get over this boy if you don’t move on to someone else.”

I sigh and sit back in my chair, looking over at Monroe as he tosses a ball into the air.

“I’ll get your mind off of him.” Miller walks up behind me and puts his hands on my chair.

“I swear to God, I’ll break your fucking fingers if you touch me,” I warn him. I feel him remove his hands.

“Damn, Dalton. Monroe’s right. You do need to get laid.” He walks off and I feel kind of bad, but not really.

I look back at the computer screen, thinking maybe these guys are right. I mean, is this what men do? They just go sleep with someone else to get over the last one?

I also haven’t been to Red in a while to scope things out.

Part of me wants to see if Jace will be there.

Part of me needs to shut up.

“Fine,” I say to Monroe. “I’ll meet you down there.”

Monroe grins. “Cool. I could just come get you, though?” he suggests.

“No. I can drive myself.” I don’t want him to confuse the situation. This is not a date. I don’t think Monroe feels that way about me, but you never know. He’ll be thinking he’s the one I’m going to sleep with.

___________

The sun has set over Atlanta, and darkness stretches throughout the city. I stand on the curb beside my car, looking across the street at Red.

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