Page 80 of Give Me Redemption

This lying shit is killing me. I want to tell him everything. I want him to trust me, the real me.

I want him to know all of my fears and my weaknesses and how I really grew up.

I want to tell him what I do for a living and how much I love it, and can he handle how much I love it?

I want to tell him why I’ve been keeping anything from happening between us. To explain it all, but I can’t.

I can’t and it hurts.

I think about his hands on me all the time. At night when I’m in bed alone, I touch myself, wishing it were him touching me.

I come with his name on my lips. Part of me wonders if this is just lust. If we finally give in, will the feelings vanish? Like it’s just an itch we both need so desperately to scratch, and once we do, we can go on with our lives.

I know he watches me. I can feel it.

And the way he looks at me. There’s a sense of wonder behind those hooded blues. It’s like he’s scared that at any moment, I could vanish, and he’d be completely worthless.

He looks at me like I’meverything.

It takes my breath. Physically almost brings me to my knees. I’ve made this boy fall for me, and he doesn’t even really know who I am.

He has no idea how he makes me feel. How those looks are all I think about.

Because the truth is, I’m falling for him, too.

I feel it in my bones.

And it devastates me.

How will we survive this? I look at him as he puts away the groceries. His jeans hang from his hips, and he wears a button-up long-sleeved flannel shirt and boots with a snapback hat over his head.

He looks boyishly gruff, and it makes my mouth water. I dip my spoon back into the peanut jar and lick it clean.

I’m not stupid. I know he wants to take things farther, and God, so do I, but once we do, there’s no turning back.

I’ll have to tell him the truth. I’ll have to spill it all, and we know I can’t do that. I have my career to think about.

I’m not a girl. I’m a grown woman with a job that matters. Jace was supposed to be my way in. I need him to get to his brother. We’re still watching Bryce’s club, and Davy is on my ass. We’ve gotten into so many arguments, and I come out of his office pissed and mad at the world. Monroe takes pity on me, and we go out for a drink so I can vent about all of this shit.

Davy doesn’t understand that Jace is not talking about it. He changes the subject when I ask about Red. And honestly, it looks suspicious when I do. I’ve been so stressed out about all of this, I’ve even found myself forgetting about Chloe for a half a day.

I never do that.

She’s been my main focus ever since the day she was taken. She’s the reason I’m an FBI agent. Her abduction paved my whole life.

I’ve almost told Jace I’ve met someone so many times over the last few weeks just so we can stop this.

But my heart is a coward.

And the damage done to it after all of this is over will be irreversible.

“I’m going to go change,” he says.

“Okay,” I reply.

There are two rooms.

Two separate rooms.

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