Page 74 of Give Me Redemption

I lean down closer, resting my palms on the table. “You do know I grew up with you, right? I know all your little dirty secrets, Matt. So why would you want to fuck with me?”

His brother hits him. “Chill, man. No worries, Harlow. We’ll be good.”

I nod. “Thanks.” I look back at Jace, who’s looking at his phone. “Good to see you all,” I say before heading to the restroom.

_____________

Pumpkins are placed throughout the bar, black and orange streamers are hung above us, and purple and orange lights frame the windows. People who can’t sing do their best, and I’m up next.

I’m nervous as hell, and I’m pissed at myself for coming up with this whole betting shit. But I wanted to put it in his head that I like to gamble. Just like I did with the no eating nuts for a week thing.

The difference is, I won that bet. I look over at him as he watches the person in front of me sing. God, he really is something. His skin is tan from working outside, and his hair is growing out compared to the first time I laid eyes on him at the grocery store.

He’s got a five o’clock shadow, but even still he looks boyish. I’m older than him, but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like we’re two of the same, trapped in a world that only chews people like us up and spits them out.

I know Jace is hiding something. He doesn’t talk about his Army days. There’s a certain hint of pain behind his blue eyes that he covers up well.

Just like me, I suppose.

His neck is smooth, lean, and inviting. His hands are strong and rough. I look closer and see a scar on the inside of his forearm, and I wonder where it came from. My fingers twitch to run across it.

What would it be like to lie in bed with this man and talk about everything? Open up completely with him and let him know me?

The real me.

The girl who’s damaged beyond repair. The girl who misses another and blames herself for the bad in the world.

I wish I could tell him I can’t sleep, and when I do, I have dreams that make me sick. What would it be like to have him hold me while I cry into his chest and explain to him that I don’t want to do this? I don’t want to take down his brother. I don’t want to lie to him.

God, how I wish we would have met at a different time.

I clear my throat when I’m called up. Jace smiles, handing me a shot glass. “Knock ’em dead,” he says, clinking his glass with mine. I throw back the shot and slam the glass down.

I flick him off as I walk toward the front of the room, hearing him laugh behind me. Everyone is talking amongst themselves, drinking and carrying on. I grab the mic from the DJ and walk to the center of the stage. I exhale as the music begins playing, looking at Jace as he sits toward the end of the bar, grinning at me.

I lick my lips before looking away from his smile to the screen with the lyrics on it, and I start to sing. Everyone starts cheering at my song choice.

I sing about going down to the parking lot to hang out with my friends, coming home at five in the morning.

I belt out I’m going straight to hell, and everyone joins in. I laugh, looking over at the group of people I went to school with. We all sing together, and then I feel someone beside me. I look to see Jace.

He grabs the other mic and winks at me as he starts singing, too. We rock back and forth, smiling as the whole bar sings along.

And for just a moment, I forget that I’m a bad guy. I forget about the regret and shame I’ve felt for so long. As he looks at me and I him, as we belt out lyrics damning ourselves to hell, I forget, if only for splinter of a moment, that that’s where I’ve been for over fifteen years.

_____________

Jace

She’s laughing, bent over, tears streaming down her face as we walk down the hall to my apartment. I love making her laugh. I don’t think I’d ever grow tired of the way it sounds coming from her.

“He actually agreed!” she says to me as I unlock the door.

“Yep. And I took all of his clothes, jumped onto my bike, and hauled ass toward the house. He had to ride back naked. He kicked my ass when he caught up to me, but it was worth it seeing him ride into the yard and jumping off the bike covering up his junk as he ran across the yard.” I chuckle. “How I convinced my all-serious brother to skinny-dip, I still don’t know.” We walk into my place, and Dalton closes the door behind her.

“Want a drink? I ask.

“Sure,” she says, looking around. The is the first time she’s been here. For once the place doesn’t seem that lonely. I walk into the kitchen and grab two beers from the fridge. Turning around, I see her bent down looking at the photos I have under the glass on my coffee table.

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