Page 65 of Give Me Redemption

Not even a tiny dust particle of a comparison to what I felt when I walked up to my home and saw the blue and red lights reflecting off the house.

Even then, as my parents ran to me and hugged me tightly, asking me where I was, where was Chloe, and how long had I been gone, did I see anything, and who unlocked the window, my eyes went to the streetlamp.

What did you see?I thought.

I swallow another sip of whiskey and twist the pill bottle in my hand. Sirens fly down the street outside of my apartment, the lamp in the corner doesn’t do much for seeing, and the files are still flung across the room. My mind races, and I’m not sure what thought is right at this point.

How have we not found this guy?

We’re the fucking FBI. We have everything you need to hunt down a person.

Is this man real?

Did Chloe ever exist?

Is this all in my head?

Am I really going crazy?

I reach up and look over some of the papers from the case. My eyes are not really focused, but I know what all of these say. There’s mug shot after mug shot of child molesters and child traffickers.

Did we cover that? Did we consider that she could be in a different country by now?

Of course, we did, Harlow.

Did we?

I don’t remember.

I reach up and grab my phone, quickly hitting Davy’s number.

“Dalton?” he answers, sounding groggy from sleep.

Shit, it’s late.

“Did we consider she could have been taken to another country? Did we look in Mexico?” I ask him.

“What?”

“Who is that?” I hear his wife say in the back.

“It’s Dalton,” he says. “Go back to sleep.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “This is stupid. I know we did. We did everything.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No. No, just tired. I’m sorry I woke you.” I hang up and look down at my phone.

I can’t sleep. I just want to sleep without the nightmares, without the sick feeling of guilt and shame. I should have been there. I shouldn’t have left the window unlocked. I grip my phone in my hand before reaching back and throwing it at the wall. Plastic and glass shatter and I don’t feel any better.

______________

How did I get here? I look around at the neighborhood. Darkness stretches farther than light. There are streetlamps placed throughout, but their glow only reaches so far. It’s the darkness that wins. Inside of me.

All around. Dogs bark down the street, but no one stirs.

I look back at my car and feel the keys in my hand before I look up and realize I’m standing under the streetlamp.

---