Page 57 of Give Me Redemption

Wow.

All this time, I’ve only thought I was an issue to him. Someone he wished he didn’t have to deal with. I know my brother loves me, but I could see that look in his eyes when we were back at our parents’ house. I could see that he longed to just be a kid and not my caretaker.

Maybe I have been too hard on him. Maybe like Dalton said, I should cut him a break. Maybe his issues have nothing to do with me.

He looks out at the land and shakes his head. “You break my heart,” he mutters. My heart is a shattered mess already, splintering off at his words. But then I remember he’s the one who lied to me. He thinks I should speak up. He thinks I should spill it all and yet, he kept the biggest secret of all.

Our mother.

“You don’t think you broke mine? You kept a huge secret from me. You’ve been taking care of someone who never took care of us.”

“She wasn’t always like this,” he says.

“Stop taking up for her.” My eyes narrow, the smell of smoke still on my fingers when I rub them across my lips.

“I can’t help it,” he says, his voice filled with the truth. Like it’s something he really can’t control.

“Why? Why do you care about someone who doesn’t care about you? You remind me of—”

He interrupts me, “Don’t say that.” He does, though. He reminds me of our father. The way he did everything for her, the way he tried so hard to make her happy and make her see that all she needed was us.

Her family.

I was just a kid, but even I could see the desperation coming from that man. He did everything to help her, and it went unnoticed.

“It’s the truth, brother,” I tell him.

“I hated her for so long,” he says, placing his hands on his hips as he shakes his head. “But one day I woke up and I couldn’t stand not knowing where she was. In a way, I wanted her to be suffering. That’s what she did to us, but when I found her living on the streets,” he rubs his nose and sniffs, “I thought about Dad, and it just hurt. You know?” I look at him but don’t say anything. I’m sad for my brother. I’m sad that he feels like he needs to be her savior. But I also understand we can’t choose who we love. How many people on this planet wish they didn’t love someone who constantly hurts them?

Love is almost like a disease; it consumes your body and soul. You don’t get a say when it creeps in.

“She’s been selling her body for heroin. She’s been beaten up a few times. I tried to get her clean once before, but she bailed. This time I wasn’t going to let that happen. She called me, told me she’d been beaten. When I got there, she was passed out against the wall. Her face was fucked, and there were drugs all over her nightstand. I flushed them and took her.”

“Are you serious?” I ask.

He nods. “I handcuffed her to the bed in one of the spare bedrooms at the apartment. With Lou’s help, we cleaned her up and helped her detox. It wasn’t easy. It was gross, man. But she seems different this time. I don’t know.” He rubs his forehead. “Hell, she could be using right now for all I know.”

“Yeah, she could and probably is,” I say.

He looks over at me. “But if it were you, I wouldn’t give up. I can’t do it to her either.” I narrow my eyes at his honesty. If it were me, he wouldn’t give up…Has he ever?I ask myself. I left, I got out of here and yet, still he called whenever he could, he wrote me letters, and kept me informed on life back home.

My heart sinks.

He didn’t ever give up.

Even though the cord tying us together was frayed and worn, he still held on.

Even though he left me to start his own life, he neverreallyleft me.

He came and got me several times, and we’d hang out at his loft above Red.

I was so hurt and so blind.

But all that time, maybe he was trying.

I just didn’t see it.

“But she isn’t me and she doesn’t give a shit,” I tell him.

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