Page 56 of Give Me Redemption

I don’t go into detail about those people. I’ve said more than I ever have already, but damn, it does feel good to let it out.

He shakes his head and scrubs down his neck. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says lowly.

“Why the hell are you sorry? It was my choice to go over there,” I say. As much as I hate what went down, I did make the choice to leave. I knew what I might see, what I might go through and yet, I did it anyway.

I grew up a lot over there. I mean, I still stayed the same old jokester that I’ve always been, but I hardened up on the inside. It might not have been good for me, though, because now I bottle shit up.

I hit my smoke again, looking out at the view I haven’t seen in a while. This was good. I missed this. My brother has always been the uptight one, and I love to play around, but Pops was right. I do hide behind the funny. I’m carefree Jace, but fuck if I’m care-free.

Bryce sits up, resting his elbows on his knees, rubbing his forehead. Taking a deep breath, he fixates on the ground in front of him. Ants cover a dead worm, and I kick dirt over the top of them.

“The things you did? Is that what made you start selling drugs? Is that why you got discharged?” He looks over at me. Fuck, not this again. I got cocaine from the locals and I sold it to the guys. Not my guys, but the other guys who needed something to help keep them up on all night posts. I had no reason for it. I just fucking did it. Maybe…maybe in the back of my mind I knew this would give me an out. Maybe like Pops said, I got sloppy on purpose.

I shrug. “Why does there have to be a reason?”

“There’s always a reason for everything, Jace.”

“Are Mom and Dad the reason you’ve never had a real relationship?” I toss back. It’s no secret that my brother turns the other cheek when it comes to falling in love. He hardly shows us affection much less a stranger. Like me, Bryce has his own demons he battles.

He shocks me stupid when he nods and looks in front of him. “Yeah.”

Bryce and I were close as kids because we had to be. We grew apart when we moved to Grant Ranch. It was like Bryce was set free for the first time. I was too young to join in on the sneaking out of the house. Kids who could drive and were older than him would meet him at the end of the driveway, and he’d take off.

Some nights I’d walk down with him just because. But I was always left standing in the dark as he drove off, nothing but red taillights to stare after.

Bryce looks over at me. “Am I the reason you left and joined the Army?”

On the inside, I’m pointing fingers and calling out names, but on the outside, I stay true to who I am. I bring my smoke to my lips, taking a drag, one eye closed before I look away. Flicking the end of my cigarette and letting the ashes fall, I say, “I left because I wanted to.”

Bryce sits back, clearly frustrated with me. But what’s new? He wants answers, but I’m not ready to give them.

“So, it wasn’t because of me?”

“Will you stop making everything about you? This was about me. Something I needed to do.”

He stares ahead. “Okay, but why did you start selling drugs? You know you could have asked Lee or me if you needed money.”

“Christ. It wasn’t about the damn money.” What the fuck? It had nothing to do with money. I know Pops would help me out if I needed something, which I don’t. I’m perfectly fine. I’m not loaded like my brother here, but I don’t want for anything.

“Then what was it about? Help me understand why my kid brother left his home without telling anyone and joined the fucking Army. Only to sell drugs and get kicked out?”

I was in the Army for eight fucking years. I didn’t just join and get kicked out. I fought, right alongside my brothers. We were a team and we were good. Damn, we were good. All Bryce sees is I just joined and then it was over.

What the hell is that shit? I stand up and toss my cigarette. “I don’t fucking know, okay? Sometimes people just do shit. I was going crazy here. Pops pushing me to go to school. You were out partying and always gone. I couldn’t take it, so I left.”

He gazes up at me in a way that makes me feel two feet tall.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what? How am I looking at you?” he asks.

“Like I’m a fucking problem you need to fix.”

He shakes his head. “I’ve never thought of you as a problem, brother.”

“Fuck-up, problem, something you have to take care of. Whatever you want to call it.”

He rises to his feet. “Is that what you think? You’re my brother. I’d do anything for you. Not because I feel obligated. Not because our parents were shitty and left it on me. It’s because I fucking care!” he yells, hitting his chest. “You’re my family. You’re my blood. You were never a bother to me.”

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