Page 130 of Give Me Redemption

But I was so focused. So fucking determined. I don’t look over at Jace, because I know how all of this sounds.

I sound crazy, obsessed. Chloe’s case is my weakness. It’s my Achilles’ heel.

I can’t leave this earth without finding her.

“As soon as I obtained my GED, I started college, and I became what I am today. Finally, I could really help.

“I followed leads all over the country. I didn’t sleep. I learned that I could live off quick meals and peanut butter. I slept in my car when I thought maybe he was near. Relationships were out of the question because they took up too much time. This is how I’ve lived my life.” I look over at Jace who’s watching me with a serious expression. There’s worry there, concern that I’ve seen from everyone that cares about me.

“You ask after I find him, what then?” I cast my eyes back to the sky, watching the moon, wondering if Chloe is seeing it. Thinking back on the night she was taken and how my life changed because of it.

“Then I’ll finally be able to breathe.”

Usually we’re not the cause of our brokenness. Someone or something makes us this way. It’s thatfree willthat God blessed us with.

“You choose. I’ll watch,”He says.

And then the devil steps in.

“Make this choice,”he whispers.

People want to be good. We’re not born bad. Everyone is clean when they breathe their first breath, but the world and it’s free will causes havoc, and the devil wins more than he should.

Jace take a drag from his smoke and sits up, resting his forearms on his knees as he cast his eyes down. He’s probably rethinking our whole situation.

I don’t blame him.

Part of me worries that I can’t give him all of me. Honestly, I don’t even own that.

“Did you even want to work on the case with Red?” he asks.

“No. I thought it was a waste of my fucking time.”

He nods, like he thought so.

“My boss, Davy, insisted on it. He wanted me off of Chloe’s case for a while, so he let Monroe take over. He’s the guy you saw earlier.”

Jace looks over at me, his mind clearly spinning. We’ve been talking about me all night.

I get it.

I know he feels like he didn’t know me. He knows me now, though.

“I never wanted to hurt you. I went to Davy and begged him to let me off of that case. But he thought it would be good for me. Get my mind off of missing children. He had no idea that I was falling for you.” I swallow, feeling regretful. “Lying to you… it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“You were so good at it, though,” he says, his voice laced with underlying bitterness and that hurts.

I bite my inner cheek as he leans back in his chair.

“I deserve that,” I say. I feel the wall Jace has up. He’s guarded around me. I was hoping this would be easier. He doesn’t trust me.

Without trust, what do we have?

I slowly exhale the pain swimming in my chest. Our relationship is distorted. It’s never been black and white with us, but different shades of gray. One thing is clear, though. I’m the bad guy always. I hurt Jace. I lied to him.

That’s something that I’m sure he’ll never forget.

For some reason, my mind goes back to the courthouse and how high he was. “Do you do drugs often?” I ask. His eyes jump to mine. “At the courthouse. You were high.”

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