Page 81 of Give Me Perfect Love

My whole life I’ve gone unwanted. I’ve always felt like I was a nuisance, someone who was expendable. Never have I felt more loved than I do right now.

A crushing need to have him hold me has me turning into his arms. He stumbles back into the elevator wall as I wrap myself around him.

My face goes into his chest, his chin over my head. Arms I love and so desperately need comfort from grip me tightly.

I’ve never counted on anyone.

I’ve never needed comforting because I didn’t know what it felt like to be comforted.

When you grow up with a heartless monster, you learn to shut certain things off that other people use on a daily.

The warm embrace from a loved one. The sweet smile you receive from a person who cares for you so genuinely.

I never had those things, so I never knew I needed them. My body adapted to its surroundings. It became as hard as it needed to be to survive.

There wasn’t time for love and feelings.

Yeah, I got slapped around, my hair pulled out so many times I was sure it would stop growing. I was raped, my body taken without my consent.

But did my feelings get hurt?

No. Because I knew that was how my life was. I’d accept it until I got the hell out of there.

But now…

Now I know this is what life can be like.

This is what I want.

Bryce was going to murder someone for me. He would take another man’s life to make sure I was okay. I know it’s sick and twisted. I know we’re both messed up, but it’s not our fault. We were born in chaos. We grew up in tragedy.

Now we’ll live in pure fucking bliss because we deserve it.

Our paths crossed so many years ago and somehow, we found our way back to each other.

How could I ever turn away from that?

At this moment, I give myself to him.

Completely.

No more second thoughts, no more worry that he’s going to walk away from me. I breathe in deeply as he holds on to me, and then I hear the elevator doors slide open. I pull away from him and he takes my hand, walking us to his apartment.

We let go of each other as we step inside. I shrug my coat off and place it on a stool beside the kitchen island.

“I’ve got to take a shower.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything.

Aftershocks vibrate through my body, heralding I’m not over what happened. I watch as Bryce walks to a cabinet and grabs a bottle of bourbon and a crystal glass. My eyes then jump to the stove clock. It’s well past midnight.

He twists the top off before pouring a healthy amount. I let him drink it in peace, telling my feet to move. I reach down and remove my heels, leaving them on the floor.

After Saw would have his way with me, I’d scrub my body so hard I’d look like I had road rash. I never could get clean enough. I walk up the stairs, my eyes going to the vast wall of windows. Atlanta glows in the night. The moon hangs high in the sky and the freezing rain still falls, a sign that no matter what happens, life goes on.

One by one, I strip each piece of clothing off as I walk to the bathroom, leaving a trail behind me. Turning the shower on, I step inside and grimace when the hot temperature stings my wrists. I hold them up, watching as my blood is removed. Crimson mixes with water, swarming around my feet before flowing down into the drain.

I twist and lean my head back, letting the hot blanket of water soak into the strands of my dark golden hair, weighing my neck down. My hands crawl up my body, gently touching my battered skin. I reach for the soap, on a mission to wash myself clean of the horrible night Claire and I experienced.

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