Page 93 of Chasing Fireflies

“Ask her mama,” I say, taking a sip of my beer.

“How many of those have you had? Do you think you should be drinking at your daughter’s birthday party?”

“Debbie, this is my damn house. If I want to drink a beer, I will.”

She huffs and lets the door slam behind her.

“You do seem a little drunk off that one beer you haven’t even finished,” Mark says with a grin.

“Shut up,” I say, downing the rest.

*

After the birthday cake is passed out and the presents are opened, my daughter smiles big with icing on her face as my mom snaps a picture of us three. Bear eats his own plate of cake, and Little Miss gets down from her chair and runs over to Walter. He lifts her up and bounces her on his knee.

“Pa, your mustache looks like a caterpillar. Will it turn into a butterfly?” she asks him. I don’t hear his answer because my attention turns to Sara who appears to be fussing with her mom. I tell a few people bye as they leave and take their kids with them. My eyes look toward the porch, and I see Maci and Banner swinging. Those two have been together for a long time now. He still hasn’t asked her to marry him, but I think she is okay with that. Lucas did a number on her. He got out a while back I heard, but I never told her. I’m not sure if she already knows or not. He hasn’t shown his face around here, so that’s all that matters. I feel a pat on my shoulder and look back to see my dad.

“Your mama and I are heading out. Thanks for inviting us.”

“Of course.” I nod and stand to give Mama a hug.

“Love you, baby boy. We’ll talk later this week,” she says, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I shake my dad’s hand before they go over to tell Ellie bye. My eyes go back to Sara who is shaking her head. She throws her hands up like she is defeated before storming off into the house. Mama looks her way after she puts Ellie down. She looks back to me, and I give her a small smile. She doesn’t return it. She looks worried, and I don’t like it. I clear my throat and walk past Debbie who has taken a seat.

“What did you do to piss her off?” I ask low enough for only her to hear.

“She’s not taking her medication, Cash.”

“How do you know this?” I ask.

“I looked in her weekly medicine container. It’s slap full. Don’t you check these things?” she asks like she didn’t do anything wrong.

“What the fuck are you doing snooping through her stuff?” I ask.

“Cash,” Walter warns.

“No. You don’t go into someone’s house and look through their shit.” I speak louder than I should have.

“I was just looking out for my child because obviously her husband doesn’t.”

“That’s enough,” I say. “You need to go, Debbie. The party is over, everybody.”

Leigh now has Ellie, and she’s crying. Leigh nods at me, letting me know she’s got her, so I head inside to find my wife.

“Be gone when I come back.” I look behind me to say to Debbie.

The screen door slams hard when I walk in and I hear Maci tell Banner to help her clean up.

“Sara,” I call out. I hear nothing, so I walk through the house in search of her. Seeing she isn’t downstairs, I run up the steps. Walking into our bedroom, I turn the corner to see Sara sitting on the floor. Pills are scattered around her, and the bathroom mirror is cracked. Blood covers her knuckles as she grips onto a fistful of her dirty blonde curls. Her shoulders shake from the sobs coming out of her mouth, and her head is down. Like the mirror, my heart cracks at the sight of her. “Baby?”

She looks up at me with tear-stained cheeks. “I hate her,” she says, crying more. I walk over and sit down on the floor with her. When I pull her to me, she switches her blonde curls for my shirt, and it soaks up her blood and tears. “I hate her, and I hate taking that fucking medicine.”

I don’t say anything; I just let her cry it out. Looking up, I see Maci standing at the doorway. I shake my head at her, likenot now. She nods and reaches for the door to shut it. I know I can trust those people down there with my child, so I don’t question where Ellie is. They’re family and love Little Miss as much as her mama and I do.

My ass is numb, and Sara has finally calmed down enough for me to pick her up. Once I do, though, I notice she has fallen asleep. I cradle her to me and kiss her forehead before I walk over to the bed. Laying her down, I lift the throw from the bottom of the bed and put it over her. I look at the rise and fall of her chest before my eyes lock on her face. Her lips are slightly opened, red and puffy like her eyes were when I walked in.

Debbie’s words pass through my mind. She is right, though. I should have looked myself. I don’t understand why Sara stops taking her medication, knowing it helps her. But maybe they don’t. I don’t know. She has changed medications so many times. She’s tired. She’s tired of it all. Looking down at my T-shirt, I see blood and wet spots from Sara’s tears, so I lift it up over my head and grab another one out of the closet before I walk out of the room, leaving her to rest and making my way down the stairs. The front door is open, and I look out the screen and see Leigh and Maci sitting on the front porch steps with Ellie.

I hear her talking, so I listen. “Mommy gets sad sometimes,” she tells them. “I always give her a hug when I see her crying. It helps. I thought.” She’s still wearing her red cape on her back, and little curls fall from her pulled up hair. She puts her elbows on her knees and her cheeks on her little closed fists. I slide down the wall and rest my forearms on my knees. My heart falls in my chest as I listen to my little girl tell our friends the sad truth about her mama. I lean my head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling, remembering the day Sara and I painted it white more than five years ago.

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