Page 97 of Chasing Fireflies

After I talk to the fire department about how they think Lucas started the fire, I tell Ben I’ll check in on him later as the medics shut the ambulance’s doors and drive him away to the hospital. I turn back just as the mortuary service zips up the body bag that holds Lucas. They load him up, and I walk over to Maci who is sitting on the porch steps.

“You should have gone and gotten checked,” I tell her.

“I’m fine, Cash,” she says. I sit down beside her and take my hat off.

“How’s Ben?”

“They say he is going to be okay, looks like it just grazed him good.” I run a hand over my beard and look down. “What the hell happened?” I ask as I look over at her.

“I saw him a few weeks ago.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I was shocked and scared. I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me. It was only the back of his head, but I knew it was Lucas. I just knew it. I’ve been going crazy ever since. I was going to talk to you at Ellie’s birthday party, but all that happened. It’s been more than five years since I’ve seen him. Why would he come back?”

“He was a fucking psychopath.”

“I don’t understand it. I don’t know how he changed so much.” She wipes a tear from her face, leaving a trail of smut from her hand. “He made me lose my baby, Cash. We were arguing one night after he came home from Banner’s shit-faced. I packed my things to go stay with my mom just until he sobered up.” She rubs her nose and looks down. “I was walking down the steps here, and all of a sudden I was shoved from behind. I fell down face-first. It knocked the breath out of me, and I woke up the next morning in our bed. There was blood, and the doctor confirmed what I already knew. My baby was gone.”

“Why didn’t you press charges against him?”

She sighs and picks at a loose piece of wood on the step. “You know people say they would have done this or that,” she says, looking out at the yard. “But that’s so easy to do until you’re the one living the nightmare. I loved him.” Her shoulders shrug like it’s the only answer there is, like it’s enough. Love can make you do things you never would, and it can make you put up with things you shouldn’t. “He promised he would change, Cash. He told me he didn’t mean to push me. That he tripped over his own foot and fell himself, and that’s why I fell,” she scoffs and shakes her head.

“So he lied about it.”

“Yeah, he lied and lied again. Things only got worse after that. He didn’t change. I think the guilt he felt from making me lose our baby overtook him.” She breaks the small splinter away from the porch step and tosses it. “He started drinking a lot more. I could deal with him sober. He didn’t push me around, but drunk Lucas was a whole other person.”

“The fire department says the fire was started from gas and a tossed cigarette. Did he smoke before?”

“He must have started like I did a while back.” She shrugs. “I quit so I didn’t have any in the house.” Maci runs a finger across her lips, and a wrinkle forms between her brows. “I knew I felt someone watching me. I was asleep, but even still I had a feeling. I thought it might have been Banner, but he left earlier to go meet an inspector at the bar. I woke up because my nose was burning from the smoke.”

“I’m just glad we came when we did.”

“Me, too, Cash.” We both look when a car pulls into the driveway. Banner jumps out and runs over as Maci stands.

“What the fuck happened?” he asks her. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” He grabs her arms and looks over her face.

“I’m fine, baby.”

“Cash, thanks so much, man. I don’t know what I would have done if…” he doesn’t finish his sentence. I stand and shake his hand before I pat Maci on the back.

“I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you two later. Take her to the doctor if she starts having any trouble from the smoke, Banner.”

“Thanks,” Maci says as I put my hat back on and make my way to the truck. I get in and see Banner with his arms around Maci. I’m glad she has him.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

A Few Months Later

Sara

I watch as tiny dew droplets slide down the grass blade in front of me, like a teardrop falling down someone’s face. My body aches, and I roll over and look up at the sky. I’m all over the place again. My mind runs in circles, tiring my body out, but not shutting down long enough for me to sleep. The days and nights all feel the same. I’ve felt like this before. My daughter is at school now. She started a few weeks ago, and I now have too much time on my hands. Cash is busy, but I keep him busier with my shifting moods and sudden outbursts. I think he would be better off without me. I would like to shut down and not feel like this anymore. An airplane flies over me, and I lift my finger and close one eye, covering the silver speck in the sky, thinking we are all just tiny specks.

*

It’s two in the morning, and I know this because I stare at the clock beside our bed. I’ve watched it since it was ten. Cash sleeps beside me, and I roll over and look at his handsome face. I love him so much—him and Little Miss, but these thoughts I’m having are going to take me away.

*

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