Page 79 of Chasing Fireflies

“I’m just so sorry. So much time has passed. Six years I haven’t seen my son.”

I turn her around and wrap her in my arms. She hugs me back tight, and I feel like I haven’t been away from her for six years. I feel like it’s only been a few minutes, and I’m a boy again as I look around her kitchen. The kitchen she used to bake cookies for me in, the kitchen I’d have my after-school snack in, and the table I used to do my homework on. The room I told them I was going to marry Sara in, the countertop she placed me up on so many times after I had a wreck on my bike as she doctored me up. So many childhood memories in this house.

“I’m here now, Mom.” I hear footsteps and look toward the living room when my dad walks in. He’s dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. His eyes land on us, and he gets a crease between his brows.

“Come to say you’re sorry?” he asks, walking on in. Mama pulls away from me and wipes her eyes.

“Please don’t start,” she says. “Do you want some coffee?”

“I’ll get it,” he replies. I watch him fill his cup and put two spoons of sugar in it before he takes it to the table and sets it down. Mama smiles up at me and turns back to the stove. He walks by us and outside to get the paper I know is there. I inhale a small breath and walk over to the table while Mama finishes breakfast. Waiting for him to walk back inside, I take a sip out of my cup and look down at the table. I’ve got to get this out. He can either say yes or no.

“You seem like something is on your mind,” Dad says. He walked back inside, and I didn’t even hear him. I swallow before I go to speak.

“Dad,” I begin before I lean back and lift my hat off. “I know we don’t see eye to eye on things, but I’m asking you to put our differences aside for a minute.”

He opens his paper and eyeballs me, eyes narrowed and lips in a straight line. “Okay,” he finally says. “What do you need?”

“Jackson, who says the boy needs something?”

“Ruthie, he didn’t come all this way for his health.”

I look between him and her as he lays his paper down and his eyes lock on me.

“I need to borrow some money.” He leans back and turns his head sideways, ready to speak, but I stop him. “Now, before you say no, I’ll pay you back in payments and have you fully paid off within two years.” I look over at Mama who flips the stove off.

“My roof is about to cave in. We had a bad storm, and now we’ve got about five good leaks in our bedroom and a few in the other rooms in the house. I’ve gone to the banks, but they can’t give me a loan because of the house loan I already have, and my credit isn’t exactly great.”

Dad makes a grunting sound, like he isn’t surprised to hear this. It pisses me off, but I swallow any feelings I have because I need this too bad to let my pride get in the way. He picks up his coffee and looks down at his paper as he takes a sip. I sit with a pounding heart and a knot in my stomach. If he doesn’t give me this, I’ll have to go to Sara’s parents. God knows I’d rather crawl through a snake pit than hear Debbie’s mouth.

“How much?” he finally asks as he puts his cup down. I’m shocked as hell.

“What?” I ask.

“How much? You didn’t tell us a price. How will we consider it if we don’t know what it is we are considering?”

I nod and tell him the price I got from the roofer.

“We don’t have it,” he blurts out with no thought at all.

“Now, Jackson—”

“We don’t have it, Ruthie,” he interrupts her. She clamps her mouth shut.

“I’m sorry, son. I told you when shit hit the fan, not to come crawling to me. Seems you got yourself in a bind, just like I thought you would, and I can’t get you out.”

I know he’s lying. I know he has the money. My dad has always been a tight ass, but that’s why he has money. That’s why the bank gave me a house loan, just because they knew I was Jackson Williams’ kid.

“Sorry you wasted your trip,” he then says before he flips his page and straightens out his paper. Mama sets breakfast down in front of me. I stare down at it as she squeezes my shoulder and walks away. I’m not even a tiny bit hungry, but I eat it out of respect for her. Dad eats, too, and we sit in silence until we’re finished. He gets up from the table. “Have a safe ride home,” he says before he walks into the living room. I grab my hat and place it back on my head. Picking my dishes up, I put them into the sink and go to kiss Mama bye.

“I’ll call more. I’m sorry it’s been so long,” I tell her.

She grabs me and hugs me tight before kissing my cheek. Her hand touches mine, and I feel paper. My eyes narrow in confusion, and she shakes her head and looks toward the living room. I tilt my head and look down at my hand. It’s a check for a little more than I need.

“Thank you,” I say quietly. She nods and goes to walk me to the door. She steps out with me and takes a breath after she shuts the door behind us.

“Your father has a lot of secrets,” she says as she slides her small hands into her apron pockets. I look down at the scar on her forearm from cooking fried chicken when she was a little girl. She told me about it one day after school. She said her mama was never home, so she had to learn to cook for herself. She knocked the skillet off the stove, and hot grease landed on her arm. Her voice causes me to look back up. “But I have secrets, too. You don’t live with a man like that and not stash away some money just in case. He’s a good man deep down, and I love him. I know he loves you and me. He just has a shitty way of showing it.” She kind of laughs.

“We used to get along. I don’t know what happened.” I look out into the yard and shake my head.

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