Page 18 of Chasing Fireflies

Bubbles surround my girl as I lightly run the sponge over her back. “Feel better?” I ask.

“No, everything hurts and nothing hurts at all.” She hugs her knees and rests her chin on top of her hand. Her dirty blonde curls are piled up on her head. Small ringlets fall and soak up water from her skin. My eyes look at her neck, and I squeeze water from the sponge and let it drip down her shoulders.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me, too,” she says, looking down at the bubbles as they disappear slowly.

“Tell me how you feel, baby. Explain it to me.”

“My mind is falling in on itself. Life seems blurry. Nothing is clear.” She runs her hand over her face and rests it there.

“You know that natural hope that most people have?”

“Yes, baby.”

“I don’t have it. I can’t seem to find a reason to want to stay.”

“We need to find you someone to talk to.”

“No.” She sighs and looks over at me. Her blue eyes have lost their light. “It’ll pass.”

*

Sara

It sneaks in between the blinds and spreads throughout the room. Slowly, without permission, it taunts me. You haven’t slept all night, and here I am. It laughs in my face, letting me know the rest of the world is awake. It’s morning and another day has begun. I throw the covers off of me and sit up. Swiping at the unruly curls on my head, I get up and yank my curtains closed, shutting out the sunshine, because today I hate it. I lie back in my bed and pull the covers up to my chin. I hear footsteps on the stairs, and I swallow because Cash is going to make me get up.

“Sara.” I hear and close my eyes tight, willing him to go away.Leave me alone. I can’t do it today.

“You have work.”

“I can’t.” I swallow the lump in my throat and wonder why I can’t control these shifty thoughts in my head.

“Come on, baby.”

“Cash, I can’t do it today. I’m sure Maci will be fine without me.”

“You have to do it. It’s only for a few hours.”

“But it hurts.”

“What hurts? Tell me,” he says, sitting down beside me.

“Everything,” I cry.

*

My eyes are tired and red rims the edges, but I suck it up and walk inside. Cash looks like I feel on the inside—sick and tired. I’m only doing this for him, because if it were just up to me, I’d lie down and never get up.

“Hey,” Maci chirps, and I put on the best fake smile I can.

“Hi.”

“You okay today?” she asks warily.

“Been worse,” I reply and put a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

She nods, but I see the uneasiness in her eyes. “Well, we have a whole lot of books to put in the system. A big church group donated earlier this morning.”

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