Page 70 of Close to Falling

“Well, you see that’s not something I have a say over. You need to get rid of him.”

“How is that helping anything?”

“It puts you out of the loop. We need you out of the loop.” I shake my head and look back at the TV. “We’ll be around,” he tells me before they all get up and walk out. I ask for a shot and chase it with the rest of my beer.

Chapter Thirty

I wake sometime later and clear my throat when I sit up. I must have cried myself to sleep. As I move my hair out of my face, my eyes land on my phone. I need to call my sponsor. I need to go to a meeting. I can’t walk down this road again. My body can’t handle it. River doesn’t deserve to have to go through this crap. I sigh and stand to grab my phone off the floor. Looking for my sponsor’s number, I hitCalland wait for her to pick up.

“Maddie?” She sounds surprised to hear me, and she should. I never call. Yeah, I’m really good at this sobriety stuff.

“Hey,” I say, sounding tired from sleep and crying.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“No,” I say. “No. Once again, I’m not.”

Chapter Thirty-One

River Dawson

I don’t have to tell Rozz anything because the next day he isn’t at work. I try to call, but he doesn’t answer. We make Fisher stay with us that evening, and the next day I ride over to Rozz’s place. Walking into the apartment, I see the door has been kicked in and his shit is thrown everywhere. I’m careful not to touch anything, but I know what I’m looking for. I step over couch cushions and broken chairs as I make my way to the back of the apartment. Walking into what I assume is his bedroom, I slide the bed to the side and lift the wooden floor up, revealing a safe. Unlocking it with the code Rozz gave me, I see a note inside and some things regarding Fisher. I take it all and head back home, thinking how the fuck am I going to explain all of this to a nine-year-old boy. You see, the people Rozz is mixed up with will never stop. Theywillget their money, but Rozz will forever be stuck dealing with them. I’m surprised they’ve gone this long without contact. The night he told me about his problem, I knew he was in serious shit, and a few nights after that he asked me something life changing.

***

“I want to ask you something,” Rozz says, leaning back against the work table.

“Yeah?” I ask, looking at him curiously.

“If something happens to me, would you and Maddie take Fisher?”

“Don’t talk like that.” I grab a smoke and then toss the pack onto the table.

“I’m serious, man. I need to know my kid is safe and loved. I know you two love Fisher like he’s yours. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”

“Of course, we would take him, but nothing is going to happen to you, man.”

“River, you know just as I do these men ain’t going to stop. Even if they get their money, they will still be after me to do jobs and shit. I can’t live that kind of life. I’m going to have to stand up to them, and you know that’s going to put me in the ground.”

“We’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to the boys and see…”

“No, I don’t want you to be in this. You have a family, man. Don’t get caught up in my mess.”

“They know you have a kid, Rozz, and I’m sure they know that even though I’m not an active member of the Brothers, my father is. They aren’t going to stop with you. They’ll go after Fisher and me, too.”

“I’m hoping it doesn’t go down that way,” Rozz says, gripping the table.

I light my smoke and exhale. “Me, too,” I say. “Because I’m going to have to get dirty to protect what’s mine.”

Rozz looks to the far wall and doesn't say anything for a minute.

“I have a safe under my bed,” he finally speaks, and I turn to look at him. “If you don’t hear from me, go to my place. I’ve made you a key.” He pulls it out of his pocket and tosses it and a piece of paper onto the table. “The code to the safe is on there.” He grabs my pack off the table and slides a cigarette out. “I’ve written a letter to Fisher, and I’ve spoken with a lawyer. Just follow the directions on the paper, and you and Maddie will have custody of him. I can’t thank you enough for this, man. I don’t want to leave my kid, but you know how these things work. You grew up around the Brothers.”

I nod and take a hit of my smoke. He is right about me knowing. I was around my father’s gang up until I was ten, and I remember shit a kid shouldn’t remember. Pops never hid things around me. I think he expected me to live that kind of life, but I know that being a part of all that shit either lands your ass in prison or in a body bag with several counts of murder under your belt. I’ve seen men murdered for less than what Rozz owes. I’ve seen how these clubs work, and none of it is pretty. Landing at Frankie’s was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know I would miss Maddie if I never met her.

***

I’m strapped up always now that Rozz has disappeared. Fisher knows his dad is mixed up with some bad people, and Maddie is the only one who can calm him down at night. He cries and has nightmares, and I hope all this mess isn’t fucking him up. I’m headed into a bar I know the Brothers hang out at, and I swing the door open to walk inside. It’s smoky as hell in here, and women walk around with hardly anything on while men with too much liquor in them sit around smoking pot and playing poker. Some turn when they see me, while others don’t care. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this person, but it’s not an issue. I slide onto a barstool, waiting for a beer and someone who’s high in rank to sit down beside me. Both happen in a matter of minutes.

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