Page 7 of Close to Falling

Bad decisions are what teenagers are known for, right? I grab it from her hand and toss it back, chasing it with the beer in my cup.

***

The warm night air hits my face as I run behind Cali. We hit the sand and slow our steps, laughing and thinking about taking a swim, but I touch the water and tell her she’s crazy. She dips her hand in and slings some on me. I squeal and run. I hear her laughter and turn around to see her swaying, and she starts going in slow circles with her arms spread wide in the night sky, dancing to a secret tune in her mind. I sit down and lean back on my elbows. Sand gets all over me, but I don’t care. I take a deep breath as the waves crash against each other, and I stare out at the water. The glow of the moonlight shines down, covering everything with a soft blue.

Everyone is wasted, and I see River sitting with some girl. My eyes focus on him, and a strong feeling passes through me, but I can’t place what it is. I look away when he notices me, turning my attention back to the ocean and feeling jealous of its freedom. I want out of this town. I want more than this place.

“Up, B.” I glance up, and Cali has her hand out. Purple fingernail polish that matches her hair is chipped, and her wrist is covered in black hearts and flowers she drew herself. I grab her hand and let her pull me up. Someone has brought a radio out by the fire, and Cali spins me around until we both get dizzy and fall.

“What do you want in this life?” Cali asks me as we lie on our backs and link our fingers.

“To be free like the ocean,” I say on a smile. She leans over and kisses my cheek before she hops up. I stay down and look up at the stars that cover the sky. River blocks my view as Cali heads back toward the fire pit. Green eyes look down at me, and I lift my lip lazily. “Hey.”

“Hey, B,” he says.

“Come down here,” I tell him, feeling better than I should because of something I never should have taken. He sits down beside me, and I pull his shirt back so he is forced to fall. He chuckles and looks over at me. I study his face, his eyes, and his nose. It’s been broken more than once, but it does nothing to hurt his looks. My eyes land on his lips, and I get the strongest urge to kiss him, but I blame it on my foggy brain and look away.

“What are you thinking about?” River asks me.

“Running away,” I say, but it’s hardly a whisper, and I’m not sure who I’m talking to–– him, myself, or the night sky. The stars shine brighter, and the wind feels more intense against my skin. Everything is more vivid, and I smile when I feel his hand touch mine as he links our fingers together. It throws me off, but brings me comfort in the best way. I wish we could lie in this spot forever, with the waves crashing, the glow of the moonlight, and his hand in mine.

“I’d go with you,” he says, surprising me, but I don’t show it.

“I’d let you.” I smile, because I would.

***

“So, you’ve been using since you were sixteen?” Ellie asks me.

“Yeah.”

“Pills were your drug of choice?”

“Opiates. I started out with one or two, then before long I was popping eight at a time.”

Ellie looks at me sideways before she writes something down. “Sounds like Cali wasn’t a very good influence,” she says, looking back at me.

“I made my own choices. She didn’t force anything on me,” I reply.

She nods. “Would you say you were starting to have feelings for River?”

I laugh. “I probably always had feelings for him.” I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I realize he was drunk at the time, but when he said he would run away with me––it triggered something––call it teenage hormones if you want, but this was something…different,” I say on a sad smile.

***

Summertime brings big waves and tanned skin. Putting my sketchpad to the side, I roll over on my towel and slide my shades on. Cali is on her stomach, bent knees, while her feet move back and forth in the air. Purple toenail polish covers her nails, and pieces of sand fall from her feet as she moves them. Blue skies and sunshine are all I see until I look over when I hear Landon laughing and River talking. Shirtless and wearing black basketball shorts, River doesn’t notice me staring as he cuts up with Landon.Jesus.When did this boy grow up?

“Come play basketball with me, B,” he teases when he gets closer. He knows I suck.

“I’ll pass,” I reply. He sits down beside me and rests his elbows on his knees.

“You draw that today?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I look down at the paper. It’s an older man walking with a cane and a cigar in his mouth. I saw him walking down Pine Street a few days ago and thought he looked interesting.

“Looks good,” he says. It’s hot out, and sweat drips down his back from playing basketball. I smell the joint when Cali lights it, and before she can pass it to me, River snatches it from her.

“Hey,” I protest.

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