Page 68 of Close to Falling

“I’m going to worry regardless, so you might as well tell me.”

He sighs and goes silent for a minute before he says, “Rozz owes some people money, and they have come to collect.”

“What kind of people? What about Fisher? Is he in danger?” I ask, concerned for Fisher’s safety.

“Not people you want to owe money to. I don’t know about Fisher’s safety, B,” he replies. “I told Rozz I could let him borrow some money, but it’s only half of what he needs. Plus, he won’t take it anyway.”

“How much money?”

“It’s a lot, not an amount you can get fast doing anything legal. I just have a bad feeling about all of it,” he says, tightening his hand on the wheel.

“What can we do?”

“I’ve been asking myself that same question ever since he told me, Maddie. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m worried,” I tell him.

“I am, too, baby.” He reaches over and takes my hand, kissing my knuckles and then looking back at the road.

***

Cozy cotton is wrapped around me as I wait for River to crawl into bed. I’m thinking about our conversation earlier in the truck, and I have the worst feeling about it, too. River has told me about Rozz’s past, and it’s not a clean one. The guy has been in and out of trouble practically his whole life. He got Fisher’s mom pregnant and then was sent off to prison. I don’t have any idea how he will pay these men back, but really I’m concerned about Fisher and River’s safety.

“Maybe we should see if Fisher can come stay with us,” I say as River walks in. No shirt, just sweats and shower fresh skin.

“We can’t take Fisher away from his dad, B,” he says, rubbing the towel over his buzzed hair.

“I’m not saying that. Of course, I’m not saying that,” I say like,am I really saying that?“I just mean until Rozz pays these guys back or whatever. Also, I’ve been thinking about your safety. I mean, what about him working at the shop? Doesn’t this put you in danger?”

River rubs his face as he sits down on the bed. “I’ve been thinking about that, too,” he says. “And I think it’s best if you stay away from there for a while. I’m going to talk to Rozz, and maybe after school Fisher can come to our house instead of the shop.”

“Okay,” I agree. “But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, baby. I can handle myself.”

I know he can, but it still worries me. I can see the stress in River’s shoulders, and I hate that he is worrying about this mess. I hate that any of us are, but if something happens to that kid or River, it will kill me. I sit up and crawl over to him, placing my hands on his shoulders and gently squeezing, causing him to roll his neck. I move my hands across his chest and lightly rub. Leaning down, I place my lips on his skin, tasting his boy soap. I run my fingers up the back of his head and back down again. He grabs my hand and pulls me over onto his lap. I giggle because it threw me off guard. Taking a deep breath, he looks into my eyes and down at my lips.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” he says. “I’ll make sure you’re safe, baby.” The look on his face is determination, and my stomach sinks. I reach up and run my hand down his face. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch.

“Don’t do anything crazy,” I say. “Because I’ve been without you, and it’s no fun living with half a heart.” I’m dead serious when I say those words, and he opens his eyes. The room grows smaller, and between my hormones and River Dawson I become needy. He knows. He leans down, and I lean up. Our lips meet, and he bites my bottom lip before his tongue grazes my teeth and I open my mouth. He lifts me so I am straddling him and I push down, wanting to feel him. His big hands run up the back of my nightgown before he lifts it over my head and tosses it onto the floor. My breasts are sore, and he gently kisses them. I arch my back, pressing them closer to him and running my hands up the back of his neck.

This is my favorite pastime. I can’t get enough of this man. He looks up, and the want in his eyes and the feel of his hardness between my thighs tell me he can’t get enough of me either. I’m completely naked as I straddle him, and with his hands on my hips, he lifts me before he pulls himself out of his sweats and guides me down on top of him until he is fully seated inside me. I can’t help the sounds I make as he lets me take control. I can’t help how loud I am when I come and how much I love the look on his face when he does, too.

***

Dreams find me that night, and I’m in a field of wheat grass. A little girl is in the distance, and I can make out dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. Little curls bounce as she giggles and throws her arms in the air. Closing her eyes, she twirls around. The bright sun disappears, and dark clouds roll in. I hear thunder and smell rain. Her eyes open, and I tell her to come to me.

“I wish I could have known you,” she says.

“B?” I hear.

“What do you mean?” I ask, ignoring the voice in the distance. The girl steps backward, and I see her hand start to fade away. “Wait.” I walk toward her. Her arms vanish as I start to run.

“Maddie.” I hear, and the ground beneath my feet starts to move.

“Stop,” I say as tears fill my eyes. I run fast, but the faster I run the farther away she gets. Her legs are gone now, and as I finally get to her and try to wrap her in my arms she disappears.

“Maddie, baby, wake up!”

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