Page 6 of Close to Falling

“I was in the system for two years before I met Frankie Carson. Two years of ‘Don’t use my stuff,’ and never feeling like part of the family because I was always left with the neighbors when they went on family vacations,” I tell Ellie as she sits, and I lie under the old oak tree. I don’t know why, but it’s easier to talk to her outside. “It was hard getting moved from house to house because I was told I had an attitude problem. I don’t think my attitude was the problem. I think it was some of those smart-ass kids I had to deal with.” I pluck a piece of grass from the ground and twirl it in my hand.

“So, you don’t think your attitude had anything to do with it?” Ellie asks, and I look over at her as she lifts a questionable brow.

“Maybe.” I shrug. “I didn’t know what to think about Frankie at first. Average-sized man who loved white T-shirts and beer. He drove an old pickup that backfired sometimes and had a rusted out floorboard. He worked a lot when we were growing up, managed his own construction crew. He was good to us kids, but he didn’t put up with bullshit, still doesn’t.Rough around the edges and can hurt your feelings in a heartbeat—it wasn’t always easy, but it made us tougher and taught us to not take things to heart so easily. He loves fresh honey,” I tell her. “He gets it from a bee farm outside of Crystal Bay, says it’s good for what ails you. Maybe it is.” I smile. “Most people don’t question Frankie.

“Landon Davis was someone I never expected to know,andwhat you would call a pretty boy. Dark hair, eyes the color of the sky just before dawn. Sun-kissed skin, tall, and total beach bum. He wore a black hat turned backward and a white T-shirt with some writing on the front about beaches and surfing when he came down Frankie’s stairs. We took to each other as quickly as he took to the waves on a beautiful summer day. Landon’s mom decided she wanted drugs more than she wanted to be a parent. He found her lying on the floor one night with a needle in her arm. She had overdosed, and the government decided he no longer needed to be around her. She agreed and signed away her rights when she got out of the hospital. His dad passed away when he was too young to know any different, so he got a social security check every month like me, and with it he bought his first surfboard.”

“So, Frankie adopted you two?” Ellie asks me.

“No, never did adopt us, but never let us go anywhere else either, and he never took in any more children besides the three of us.”

“Three?” she questions.

“Yeah,” I say on a deep breath. I run my hands through my hair and pop my knuckles.

“Maddie,” Ellie says. I look over at her and see concern on her face.

“This one is hard,” I reply, looking away.

“That’s okay. Take your time,” she tells me. Memories of him pass through my mind, and I close my eyes briefly as I try to think of where to start.

“River Dawson wasthebad kid.” I shake my head as I think about all the things that boy got into. “Dirty blond hair that needed a trim, green eyes like summertime grass, and dimples you couldn’t help but smile at—he was the definition of trouble,” I say as I sit upright and pull my legs up to my chest. I hug my calves and rest my chin on top of my knees. “We fought a lot the first few years I lived at Frankie’s, but hell, River fought a lot with everyone. He would pick on me about something stupid, but then turn around and beat some kid’s face in for doing the same thing. Frankie was always on his ass. With good reason, though.” I kind of laugh. “Growing up, River did everything you could think of to get under Frankie’s skin and mine and Landon’s,” I say with an eye roll. “He would hide under my bed and scare the shit out of me after I just finished watching a horror film. He broke into Frankie’s garage when he was thirteen and stole his truck. Frankie found out because it was on empty when he returned it. River begged me to give him my savings out of my piggy bank to fill the tank, but he forgot it was also empty. The week before he took it to play cards and lost it all. I was pissed about that for a while. He swore he could double my money, and, of course, I believed him because it was River.” I take the hair tie from my wrist and grab my hair to get it off my neck.

“But over time, we grew closer. The picking didn’t fully stop, but it became different. I stopped looking at him as though he was an annoying boy I had to share a house with to something else. I grew up riding his handlebars and camping out with him and Landon by the beach. River and I shared secrets, and no matter how bad everyone thought he was, I knew better. I knew he was a good person, and I told him everything,” I say, looking down at my feet. “But time changes, doesn’t it?” I ask, looking back up at Ellie.

“Yes,” she agrees. “Sometimes for the better and sometimes not so much. How did River end up at Frankie’s?”

“His dad was in prison for doing some shady shit with some bad people in town. I would find out who those bad people were, but that would come later,” I say. “Anyway, everyone swore River would follow in his footsteps.” I grow quiet as I remember his last words to me, and that familiar sting forms in my chest.

“I need you to move on, B. Don’t come back.”

I shake that feeling off and continue. “It was a crazy ride,” I tell her. “And the year I turned seventeen is when things really got interesting.” I pause. “You said to understand a person’s present, you have to go back to their past, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, let’s go back then,” I say, exhaling.

Chapter Four

Pieces of the Past

Windblown hair and whiskey on my lips, I grab my hair tie and pull my dark strands up. The black pavement below our feet is still wet from the rain we had earlier, and the light from the overhead street lamps gives it a shiny glow. Taking a sip from the cheap bottle of whiskey he stole, River lifts his hat and leaves it sitting lazily on his head. We three are already well on our way to being drunk, and I laugh when Landon trips over his shoelace and stumbles onto someone’s yard. He falls on his back, and River walks over to help him up.

“Come on, Landon.” Whiskey thief grins. Smiling up at River, loose shoelace boy takes his hand.

“You two gonna make out, or are we going to this party?” I ask with a lift of my lip.

“Shut up, B. No one’s making out,” River says. “Unless it’s you and me, that is.” He winks, pulling Landon up. The thought sort of makes my stomach flip, and I don’t know why. This is River.“Relax, B. I was joking.” He smiles, showing me all dimples.

“You relax,” I say, jerking the bottle from his hand and taking a swig. I wince when it goes down, because fuck, this shit is nasty.

***

Fire light dances in the wind and reflects off Cali’s face. She grabbed me as soon as I hit the door, and we’ve drunk more than we needed to. She tugs my hand, and I feel something in hers.

“What is that?” I ask, loud enough for only her.

“It’s just a pill. I’ve taken mine already.”

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