Page 41 of Close to Falling

“I do. You need help, and you need to do better. You need to move on from me, from all of this,” he says, looking around. “I’m not the same anymore, Maddie, and you’re fading away.”

“River, stop,” I say.

“I’m serious, baby.”

“We love each other. That’s all that matters. We’ll figure everything else out.”

“No,” he says.

“You love me. You can’t turn your back on me. Say it, River. Tell me.”

“I can’t,” he says, looking away.

“You look at me,” I say. “You look at me and tell me.” His eyes go back to my face, and tears sting mine as my heart sinks.

“Not this time, B.”

“You don’t love me anymore?” I ask, heartbroken and leaning.

“No.” He’s lying, and I know it.

“Tell me then. Tell me you don’t love me.”

He lifts his chin and looks into my eyes. “Move on. It’s done.” He drops the phone and stands.

“I hate you!” I yell, slamming my palm onto the glass. He flinches. “I fucking hate you!” I scream. Tears cloud my vision, and River walks away. I panic and shake my head. “No!” I yell. “No, River, baby, please! I don’t hate you. This is all going to be okay.” I stand up and place my forehead to the glass, watching him leave me behind. “It’s going to be okay,” I repeat as the phone slips from my hand. The wind lifts me off the floor, and I’m falling. I’m broken.

Chapter Seventeen

My eyes leak tears, and my shoulders shake. I cry in front of Ellie, and she lets me. She doesn’t speak, and I don’t look at her. My hands cover my face as my heart remembers the pain. I take a deep breath and slide my hands down my neck. “I was gone after that. I was lost,” I say, sniffing and grabbing the tissue Ellie has in her hand for me. “I walked out on Landon and Frankie. Pills were the only thing I kept because I couldn’t function without them. But the sad thing is, I wasn’t functioning with them either. I was constantly fucked up, until the day Landon and Frankie found me. After that, I knew I had to change my life. I couldn’t be that person anymore. I was killing myself, and I almost did.”

“Breaking points make us realize how far we’ve gone down,” Ellie says.

“Yeah, well, I had reached mine for sure.”

“Have you spoken to anyone about this?”

“No, but Landon knew River was going to tell me to move on, and if I would have been paying better attention to my brother, I would have known something was up. He sat me down a few nights before I went to the prison, telling me I needed help. That Frankie and he were concerned, and maybe it would be a good idea for me to stop seeing River so much. I told him to mind his own business because I was a drugged-out selfish bitch. A few weeks before all of that, Cali and Landon had called it quits. I was a terrible friend to her during their breakup, but how was I to comfort her when I couldn’t even give myself a pep talk?”

“You were sick, and Cali being your friend, I’m sure she knew that,” Ellie says.

“Yeah, I guess,” I reply, sitting back on the couch and staring at her bookshelf. “Life is a story,” I say, thinking out loud. “Each person has their own beginning, middle, and end. Mine began with a happy family, a good life, and my dreams within reach. Unfortunately, it shifted dramatically, and I went down a long, dark path, but you know what?” I say, looking over at my therapist. “I wouldn’t have met my boys. I’m lucky I got two families in this lifetime. My story isn’t finished just yet, and you can bet your ass I’m going to make sure I have one hell of an ending.” I smile at her and take a breath because I feel like the weight is lifted, and I’m once again Maddie B. Callaway. I found my old self, and I like her. Yes, I’m a drug addict, but I’m also a daughter, a sister, and the other part of someone’s heart. I know River loves me because what we have doesn’t go away, but I have to start living again, and if it’s without him, then that’s just the way it has to be.

Chapter Eighteen

RIVER DAWSON

The constant beeping from the alarm beside my bed wakes me up, and I slap my hand over it to make it shut up. Baby groans, and I sit up and throw my feet over the side of the bed. Running my hands through my hair, I look back at her. The sheet is only covering her legs, leaving her hip and back exposed. She rolls over, showing me everything she has, and my already hard dick jumps. Fucking morning wood and B. I stand up, adjust myself, and grab a white T-shirt, boxers, and some jeans. I slip into the bathroom and turn the shower on and brush my teeth while the water in this piece of shit place warms. I run a hand down my face and feel that I need to shave. I’m working constantly, and it’s taking a toll on B and me. I can’t keep my eye on her like I need to, and I know she is slipping again. Drugs and I are her weaknesses, and I wish I could get rid of one of them.

Wrapping a towel around my waist, I step out of the bathroom and walk to the kitchen. I grab a soft pack from the counter and slip one out with my teeth. Holding it between my lips, I look at my phone and see Swift has sent me a text.

Big run tonight, boy. Be prepared for a long one.

I toss the phone onto the counter and light my smoke as I make my way to my room to get dressed.

***

I slide my wallet into my back pocket and look over at B.

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