Page 24 of Close to Falling

“B,” River says.

“Yeah,” I reply quietly. I hear the door open. “I’m having a hard time,” I tell him, feeling a tear slip down my cheek.

“Well, get out and come to my room.”

“Okay,” I reply.

Shower wet hair and nothing but my boy shorts and tank top on, I tiptoe to his bedroom, making sure no one hears me. It’s after five, and Frankie will be getting up in an hour for work. I have school today, and it’s going to be hell. I open River’s door, and his smell hits me.

“Hey,” I say.

“Come here.” He lifts his covers, and I walk over, getting under them happily. He wraps me in his arms and kisses my neck.

“This is hard,” I tell him. Feeling sneaky and dope sick, I curl up and breathe in this boy.

“Let me make it better,” he whispers, and I roll over, waiting for his touch. He climbs on top of me, and I love his weight. Spreading my legs with his one, I open and he settles. Nothing but his shorts and my panties between us, I run my hands down his bare back as he presses into me before his lips touch mine. Soft at first, we become needier. Wanting always and never being able to show any emotion around anyone else, this is our safe place. His room or mine, but I'd rather be in his because it's all him. His mouth is warm, and his hair is messy from sleeping. I love running my hands through it. I lean up as I become hotter, and he presses down. His hands push my shirt up, and he rubs across my stomach to my chest.

“I want to see you,” he says as he lifts my tank higher and sits back on his heels. I don't care at this point, but I want all of him, and he is just giving me some. He takes my shirt off and looks down at me. My eyes have adjusted, so I can see his face and the slow lift of his lips.“You were right, B.”

“About?” I ask.

“It wasn't something I had already seen before. Nothing about you is common,” he says. He is messy, dirty blond, soft green eyes, and shirtless.

“Take yours off,” I say, leaning back, looking at his shorts.

“No, Baby B.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Just lie back.”

“I want you, though.”

“I know.” He loops his fingers into my cotton shorts and slides them down my legs. Letting them drop to the floor beside him, he looks over my body,and I bite my lip.I breathe harder because this is the first time I have ever been naked in front of a boy.

He slides his fingers between my legs, and I close my eyes, letting him take me away from reality just for a little while. No amount of pills can do what he does to me, and he makes it easier to forget they even exist. He watches me unravel. I reach for the cotton pillow and put my face in it, covering the sweet moans he is making come out of my mouth.

“No, B, I want to watch you. Don’t cover your face.” He movesthe pillow.“You need to scream, then let my mouth cover it.” He leans down and kisses my skin, moving up my neck before he takes over my open lips. I cry out into his as he makes me come harder than I ever have. I fall asleep listening to the beat of his heart, and sometime later, I hear Frankie stirring around. He never comes into my room, though, so he won't know that I am sleeping with my new addiction.

Chapter Eleven

The sun is just starting to rise over the horizon, and I wrap my hair up before I push off the ground. The breeze is warm against my cheeks, and I close my eyes. I see his face, and my fingers crave to touch him, but instead, I hold on tighter to the rope, giving my needy hands something to do.

“It’s a good view.” I hear and open my eyes to see David watching the sun, too. It’s become a normal thing to see him in the mornings. I've learned a lot about the musician who got caught up in all the partying that goes along with being in a rock band.

“It is,” I agree, still swinging. Early mornings are my favorite now. I like the idea of getting up before the world wakes. It’s almost like I’m the only one. It’s both lonely and comforting at the same time. David lights his morning smoke while I continue to soar. I lean back and smile.

***

“We’ve covered a good bit, Maddie,” Ellie says. She’s looking at her computer screen, and I’m holding a Frosty she picked up for me before our session. It’s silky chocolate, and all I need are some fries to complete it, but this will do. “But I need to know more. I need to know what got you to the point that you felt you needed to turn back to the drugs.”

“There wasn’t a point really. Drugs just slowly crept back into my life,” I say after I take the spoon from my mouth. “I don’t think a drug addict ever quits without going back once, but I haven’t met a whole lot of drug addicts either.”

“What about Cali?” Ellie says, lifting her brow.

“Yeah, Cali had some issues, but I don’t think she took as many as me, and she didn’t seem like she had a problem with them.”

***

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