Page 20 of Close to Falling

“What is my type?”

“I picture you with someone more…bad boy.”

“Huh?” I ask.

“Someone more like you.”

“I’m not a bad boy.” I kind of laugh playfully.

“You know what I mean,” she says. “You’ve been through a lot of crap, and I see you with someone who gets it. Not a goody-goody like Mikey. His dad’s a lawyer, and his mom’s part of the Junior League.”

“So, you think he’s too good for me?” I ask.

“No, I think you’re too cool for him.”

“Well, I picture you with someone who has colored their hair as much as you,” I reply, laughing because her point sounds just as ridiculous.

“They’d probably swing the other way,” she says as we make it to the boys.

“Let’s ride to the beach,” John says, and we jump into Mikey’s Jeep.

***

“You had a drug dealer?” my therapist asks.

“Don’t all drug users?” I reply with a smirk on my lips.

“Continue,” Ellie says, rolling her eyes.

***

We sit in the sand around a fire that the boys started. Mikey sits down beside me as I let sand run through my hand. I hear loud yelling and look back toward the parking lot to see a bunch of kids jumping out of a car that looks like River’s.

“Looks like your crew showed up,” Mikey says, deadpan.

“Is that River?” I ask.

“Yeah, and Landon’s with him, too,” Cali says. I look back as a group of girls surround my boys and see River. He spots me, too, and I see his green eyes shift to Mikey. Cali jumps up.

“Hey, Landon.” She’s all chill and half-closed eyelids, and regardless of the girl on Landon, she wraps him in a hug. Joint behind his ear and bad intentions in his eyes, River walks up with a summertime blonde.

“What’s up, Mikey?” he says, and I can tell he’s making fun, but I don’t know if the boy who has a crush on me can.

“River.” Mikey nods, unenthused. Maybe he can tell, or he’s still sore about that phone call. I never did call him back. River had me watching him and Landon play video games.

“Hey, Maddie,” the blonde says, and I realize it’s Clarissa from my science class.

“Hey,” I reply.

“You gonna light that?” I ask River.

“You want some?” he asks, looking at my eyes. He narrows his and takes the joint from his ear. “Think you need anything else?” he adds.

“Anything else?” Mikey speaks up, because as far as he knows, I’m sober.

“Shut up, River,” I say. “He’s just talking shit, Mikey.” River doesn’t say anything, and I’m surprised. I thought he would for sure. As he flicks his Bic, flames shoot up, and he holds in the smoke he just inhaled. Clarissa thinks it’s her turn, but River passes it my way. I take the joint in between my fingertip and thumb. Bringing it to my lips, I inhale and hold it. I lift the joint Mikey’s way. “Want any?” I ask. He shakes his head no, so I give it back to River who then lets the blonde have some. High off more than one drug, I roll my neck and look over at Cali. She’s listening to Landon talk surf and how there’s freedom on the water. Mikey nudges my elbow.

“Want any more?” River asks, apparently for the second time.Oops, must have zoned out.

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