Page 15 of Close to Falling

***

The blue sky turns black, and we all move inside to Kelly’s basement. Kelly lines shot glasses up on the built-in bar her dad made, and Cali and I stand waiting for them to be filled. I don’t think Cali really needs another, but she insisted in a slurred voice. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t have one shot with her, right? And after all, who am I to tell her what she needs and doesn’t need?

“River and that girl have been pretty cozy all night, huh?” Cali asks, shifting her eyes over at the couch River is on. He looks at me and whispers into the girl’s ear. I watch, his eyes never leaving mine as he tells her whatever and then stands with her hand in his. They disappear toward the stairs, and my stomach hurts. I look back and notice my shot glass is filled. I slam it into the back of my throat.

“One more please,” I say to Kelly.

“Sure, Maddie.” She smiles and moves her blonde hair off her shoulder. After I take another shot, I grab my best gal’s hand and walk over to the stereo. I flip through the music and finally land on something I can dance to.

“Hey, Kelly,” I say. “Can we turn the lights off and turn the fun lights on?”

“Yes!” she answers. “Let’s dance!” I smile and flick the light off after she turns the other lights on. With black lights, the room looks more fun and goes with my mood. The music begins, and I smile as Cali starts to dance. I see Mikey and walk over to him. He looks me up and down, and I get a tingle.

“Wanna dance?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says, setting his beer down. He grabs my hand, and we walk out to where everyone else is dancing. The room is full, and I like the way Mikey feels against me. He grabs my hips, and I get lost. Shutting my mind and eyes, I let the music take me where it wants. I feel eyes on me as everyone moves and shifts, and I open mine. Emerald greens are looking right at me as Mikey moves his hands down my body. I dance harder and better, because I know he is watching me, and I want him to feel what I do when he is with all those slutty ass girls.

***

“You know that was all very immature, right?” Ellie interrupts.

“I was sixteen. I was immature,” I say, likeduh. “So was everyone around me.”

“What did River do when he went upstairs?”

“What do you think?” I ask.

“So let me get this straight. You kids were taking drugs like candy. It seems that pot was always around, and you all drank alcohol like you had been doing it forever. You were having sex also?” she questions in utter disbelief, and when she says it that way, well, wow, I feel ashamed.

“Wehadbeen drinking forever,” I say. “I had my first taste of beer when I was fourteen and took my first hit of a joint when I was twelve. None of it was new to me, and none of it was new for the people around me because that’s who I did it with. I’m not proud of it all. I’m just telling you what my life was like five years ago.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to be judgmental,” she says softly. “That was not my intention. I meant it in a way of trying to understand it all myself because you were all so young.”

“I know, and I see your point. It was crazy. We were all hell-bent on breaking the rules. Doing shit we weren’t supposed to. We lived in a teenage wasteland,” I say, and that is exactly what it was. No wonder I turned out like I did. I took the wrong path and ended up where bad paths lead you. In my case, that was rehab—sitting here talking to a woman who can’t fathom what I did when I was a teenager.

“Yes, and I can understand given your background. You were just a kid who lost two people you depended on and loved the most. You got tossed into a world where nothing was stable. That is an insane change of life,” she says. “You are a very strong young woman, stronger than a lot of people I deal with. You knew you needed a change, and you’re making it happen. You grow every day, and I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” I respond because it feels good to hear someone say that. This hasn’t been easy, and there are days when I feel like I can’t push through, but I do, and I’m going to continue to do so. I want a happy life.

“You’re welcome. Please continue."

I nod. “Okay, where was I?”

“You were trying to make River jealous it seemed.”

“Oh, right.” I smirk.

***

Mikey and I keep dancing, and when the song changes, I have to pee. I tell Mikey I’ll be back and walk toward the stairs. I make my way up and find the bathroom. Walking inside and shutting the door behind me, I turn the water on and pull out the small baggie in my pocket. Taking out four pills, I toss them back and cup my hand under the water to chase them down. After I’m finished, I open the door and see River standing there against the wall. Casually, his hands slide into the front pockets of his black jeans, making my breath catch. He looks up at me and then roams his eyes down my body. I swallow. He pushes away from the wall and walks closer to me.

“What?” I ask.

“What were you doing down there, B?” His voice is low and sexy as hell.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I respond coolly. Heartbeat pounding in my chest and sweaty palms, I am anything but cool in this moment. He puts his hands up on the doorframe behind me and looks me in the eyes.

“Are you trying to make me jealous?” he asks, looking down at my lips and licking his bottom lip.

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